Unbearable Brunch Guests
“She Said She PR’d Her Soul. I Just Wanted Pancakes.”
When a group of friends met at The Yolk Depot for what they hoped would be a peaceful Sunday brunch, they didn’t count on Stacy–newly paleo, spiritually rebranded, and conversationally uncontainable.
“She opened with a 12-minute monologue about kettlebells and trauma,” said one friend. “Then she made us bless our mimosas with affirmations.”
Stacy spent 45 minutes describing her “emotional omelet journey” and why hollandaise sauce was “toxic masculine energy in liquid form.”
Attempts to change the subject were met with CrossFit analogies: “You have to deadlift your boundaries,” she told a waiter who had just asked about coffee refills.
Eventually, guests began fake-texting themselves out. One jumped into a nearby Uber yelling “Save me from brunch!”
Stacy is now working on a memoir titled *Macros & Memories: Healing Over Protein.*
Reservations at The Yolk Depot are currently on hold. Permanently.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
