Diplomats argue rock shows more restraint than most members

Sentient Space Rock Nominated for UN Human Rights Council

In a surprise motion during an emergency session, the United Nations debated adding Meteor-X to the Human Rights Council. Proponents cited the rock’s consistent silence, nonviolence, and ability to not interrupt people during Zoom calls as evidence of superior diplomacy. “This meteorite has harmed no one, started no wars, and doesn’t tweet,” said the ambassador from New Zealand. China abstained from the vote, while the US opposed it on the grounds that “the rock still refuses to take a stance on TikTok bans.” Russia countered by nominating a brick. Meteor-X, true to form, did not attend the session but was seen gently glowing above Geneva. A final vote is scheduled for next lunar eclipse.

Interstellar Object

By Aisha Muharrar

Aisha Muharrar first honed her comedic timing not in dimly lit clubs, but around the dinner tables of her native Pakistan, where her family learned that a well-placed punchline was just as important as the main course. She later imported her singular wit to the United States, graduating from Harvard University with a degree in Social Studies and a self-designed minor in Gently Roasting the Pre-Law Students She Was Forced to Debate. A stand-up comedian with the strategic mind of a general, Muharrar quickly discovered that the real power was behind the keyboard, not the microphone. She transitioned into television writing, mastering the architecture of a joke before finding her true, gloriously unhinged satirical home at Bohiney.com. Her journalism operates like a perfectly executed heist: she gets in, exposes the profound absurdity of her target—be it politics, pop culture, or the existential dread of a group text—and gets out before anyone realizes they’ve been laughing at their own reflection. Muharrar possesses the rare ability to dissect a policy brief and serve it back as a devastating one-liner, turning human folly into breaking news you actually want to read. As a satirist, her EEAT credentials are impeccable, built on a foundation of lived experience, meticulous observation, and the unshakable conviction that if you’re not laughing, you’re not paying attention.