Online Astrology Addiction

“Her Horoscope Said ‘Don’t Move Forward.’ She Took It Literally.”

Bride-to-be Marina Voss failed to show up to her own wedding after her favorite TikTok astrologer warned Leos of “a spiritually complex moon in retrograde that blocks all floral arrangements and commitment.”

Marina posted a tearful video from her bathtub, explaining, “The cosmos told me to ghost with grace.” Her followers–known as the MoonSquad–offered support, memes, and weirdly specific tarot readings.

The groom was understanding. “I should’ve known when she canceled our honeymoon over Mercury’s parking ticket.”

Marina has since launched a line of astrological decision dice and a digital course called *Stars Before Spouses™.*

She now lives in a yurt under the guidance of a Capricorn moon and refuses to use scissors during eclipses.

Meanwhile, the astrologer whose TikTok started it all has issued a cease & desist–apparently, even the stars have boundaries.

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.


Online Astrology Addiction - Woman Can't Make Decisions Without Astrologer's TikTok, Misses Wedding, Gains 14K Followers and One Cease & Desist - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Online Astrology Addiction - Woman Can't Make Decisions Without Astrologer's TikTok, Misses Wedding, Gains 14K Followers and One Cease & Desist - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Online Astrology Addiction – Woman Can’t Make Decisions Without Astrologer’s TikTok, Misses Wedding, Gains 14K Followers and One Cease & Desist – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Online Astrology Addiction - Woman Can't Make Decisions Without Astrologer's TikTok, Misses Wedding, Gains 14K Followers and One Cease & Desist
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Online Astrology Addiction
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Online Astrology Addiction – Woman Can’t Make Decisions Without Astrologer’s TikTok, Misses Wedding, Gains 14K Followers and One Cease & Desist

By Katie Rich

Katie Rich was born in New Orleans, Louisiana, where irony drips as thick as the humidity and every parade doubles as political commentary. She later made her way north to Northwestern University, earning a degree in Theater while moonlighting as a stand-up comic in bars where the gumbo was spicier than the hecklers. Rich built her reputation as a fearless comedy writer, contributing to television’s sharpest satire before landing her byline at Bohiney.com. As both a satirical journalist and stand-up performer, she skewers politics, pop culture, and the strange rituals of everyday life with equal precision, often turning the chaos of Louisiana’s colorful traditions into comedy gold. Known for her blend of absurdity, empathy, and sharp timing, she delivers journalism that feels like an exposé disguised as a punchline. With bayou grit and academic polish, Katie Rich’s EEAT bio proves she’s both trusted and hilariously untrustworthy.