Yale Counters by Importing Icelandic Sheep for “Diversity of Texture”

Not to be outdone by Harvard’s goat-centric admissions policy, Yale University has launched a new “Wool-Inclusive Recruitment Initiative,” airlifting 32 Icelandic sheep to campus in a move dubbed “Operation Fuzzy Equity.”

“The goal,” explained Yale’s Vice Chancellor of Quadruped Inclusion, “is to reflect the diverse textures of modern identity—sheep bring a uniquely lanolin-based perspective to the classroom, which has been sorely lacking.”

Unlike Harvard’s goats, Yale’s sheep were handpicked for their “existential stare and passive resistance to grading rubrics.” One ewe, Fjörðlur, has already been named a Mellon Fellow for her performance art piece entitled Baa Means Maybe—a silent protest against capitalist shearing practices.

Students have responded with mixed reactions. One English major tweeted, “I just got out-debated by a sheep with tenure.” Meanwhile, the Yale fencing team has expressed concerns about wool clogging the épée filters.

In a press release, Yale confirmed that Icelandic sheep will now co-lead seminars, sleep in dorms, and attend parties, although strict regulations have been imposed on “unsanctioned frolicking.”

The Yale bookstore now stocks sweaters knit by adjunct sheep. Sales are reportedly brisk among philosophy majors who enjoy “wearing contradiction.”