Too Many Throw Pillows
“We Wanted Cozy. We Got a Soft-Layered Nightmare.”
Design blog addicts Marissa and Jordan thought they were embracing hygge chic with their collection of “accent cushions.” But after their 37th decorative pillow–an alpaca-fur hexagon labeled “Mind Rest”–they realized they no longer had a bed. Just a soft, ornamental topography of fabric anxiety.
“I thought throw pillows were noncommittal joy,” Jordan said. “Turns out they’re a textile cult.”
Attempts to remove them led to arguments over which ones “spark joy,” “tie the room together,” and “have sentimental sequins.”
Eventually, the couple began storing themselves in the walk-in closet, which they describe as “emotionally firmer than the bed.”
Friends intervened after they found the couple practicing mindfulness in a pile of lumbar shams and whispering “Namaste but make it neck pain.”
Marissa has since started a support group: *Throw Pillow Anonymous,* which meets weekly atop a mountain of rejected cushions.
Jordan has created a flamethrower called the “Pillow Purger,” currently in beta testing and under review by Etsy lawyers.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
