Morons Try To Cancel Ella Langley By Talking About Her Nonstop Emergency campaign to erase a country singer somehow involves saying her name eight thousand times a day NASHVILLE — A pocket of

Iran Declares Victory Over the Secret Service After Successfully Operating Google Maps Tehran’s intelligence breakthrough required one laptop, one intern, one browser and one heroic decision to click “Accept All Cookies” TEHRAN —

Are All Marxists Mentally Ill? Researchers Confirm Some Are Merely Tenured New study finds revolutionary politics is not a psychiatric disorder, although reading 900 pages of Das Kapital without being assigned

Pope Leo Warns AI Could Destroy Humanity, Immediately Delivers Message Through Global Fiber-Optic Robot Network The Vatican this week issued a sweeping warning about artificial intelligence, with Pope Leo XIV cautioning

Zuckerberg Announces Exciting New Workplace Culture Based Entirely on Fear, AI, and Men Sleeping Under Desks Five humorous observations immediately emerged from Silicon Valley after reports surfaced that Mark Zuckerberg has

The Internet Was Held Together by Duct Tape, Vibes, and One Guy Named Greg Turns out the most important piece of critical digital infrastructure on the planet wasn't fiber optic cable

Peace Talks End, Mines Begin: World Enters Phase Known as "Oops, Where Did We Put Those?" Islamabad woke up Sunday morning to the gentle sound of diplomacy collapsing like a folding

Yale Athletic Officials Bought a House Together Before One Got the Job — America Shrugs Heroically In a development that has rocked the nation to its foundations — or at least

Banksy Identity Crisis: Man Proven to Be Banksy Immediately Disproves It by Existing Poorly Bohiney.com Exclusive: Robin Gunningham — also known as David Jones, also known as "Not Banksy," also known as

Hezbollah Declares "Existential War," Accidentally Makes It Everyone Else's Existential Problem Too Somewhere in a bunker lit by flickering fluorescent bulbs and PowerPoint slides titled "Totally Winnable Situations," Hezbollah has reportedly

Research Reveals Caffeine Functions as Chemical Agreement to Participate in Society Rather than Performance Enhancer Coffee and Modern Society Coffee is not a beverage; it is a prerequisite for conversation. People

Party Leaders Blame "Misinformation" After Years of Providing Extremely Clear Information About Hating ICE Democratic leaders blamed "misinformation" this week after an ICE-related shooting in Minneapolis forced an abrupt reassessment of how clearly

Nordic Nation Teaches Four-Year-Olds Media Literacy While Grown-Ups Believe Headlines Ending in Three Exclamation Points Finland Trains Preschoolers to Spot Fake News While Adults Continue Sharing It on Facebook Bohiney.com has confirmed

Trump Declares "National Taco Day" After Bombing Caracas, Venezuela Confused but Hungry Branding Meets Bombing In a move that stunned diplomats, confused allies, and deeply impressed branding professionals, Donald Trump announced "National

BBC Live: Explosions in Caracas — or Just Trump Trying to Clear His Browser History When Breaking News Breaks the Internet The BBC's live blog opened with the familiar understatement of a librarian announcing

Pentagon Awards Peace Advocates Bronze Ribbon for Not Blowing Anything Up Whenever you think bureaucracy couldn't get any more absurd, along comes the Pentagon—in full dress uniform—handing out a bronze ribbon

Marxist Church Replaces Baby Jesus With "ICE WAS HERE" Sign Dedham Parish Turns Nativity Into Federal Reality Check Dedham, MA — This year at St. Susanna Church, the Christmas spirit arrived with all the subtlety of

Restrainers Celebrate Small Victory: Surviving Another Week Without a War In a development described by some as "less catastrophic than last week," the faction of foreign-policy thinkers known as the Restraint

Controversial District Lines Reinstated Pending Further Review; The Map Itself Issues a Triumphant, Cocky Statement Supreme Court Temporarily Restores Texas Gerrymander Map; Cartographic Anomaly Reportedly Yells 'I'm Back, Baby!' from the

The Steel Curtain: Pittsburgh Steelers Fans in All Their Glory The Unmatched Passion of Pittsburgh Steelers Fans: From the Terrible Towel to Super Bowl Glory Pittsburgh Steelers fans are an institution. If

Meta’s New Content Policy: Where Free Expression Meets Absolute Absurdity Mark Zuckerberg’s New Policy Allows Users to Call LGBTQ+ People Mentally Ill Menlo Park, CA – In a move that has left

Move the Olympics from Los Angeles The Olympics Relocation Debate: LA is a Marxist/Lesbian Fiasco Waiting to Happen As Los Angeles gears up to host the 2028 Olympics, critics argue the city

The Twain Train: A Journey Through Humanity’s Most Ridiculous Realities Civilization’s Comedy of Errors Why We’ll Never Learn (and That’s Hilarious) Mark Twain once said, "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." With this philosophy,

Where Everyone Works for Three-Letter Agencies or Pretends They Do Washington, D.C.: The City Built on Gridlock and Good Intentions Washington, D.C. sprawls along the Potomac River like a monument to bureaucracy,

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Convinces Insurers to Approve Meds, Then Denies Germ Theory Again Filed from Washington, D.C., the back of a CVS, and a copper pyramid in Sedona By: The World’s

 The Power of MMA: When Wisdom and Logic Step into the Cage Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) has long been associated with physical grit, tactical prowess, and the occasional over-the-top pre-fight trash

Britain’s Bitcoin Treasure Hunt: When Digital Gold Becomes Literal Trash The Most Expensive Hard Drive in the World Who Needs a Pot of Gold When You’ve Got a Dump? In a story straight

The (Unintentionally) Hilarious World of Sex Toy Hacking When you think of hacking scandals, images of financial institutions, government secrets, or high-profile corporations come to mind. But in a twist no

Local Man Declares He's 'Fine' — Family Calls Experts to Confirm By Hannah Miller, Bohiney Magazine When Saying "I'm Fine" Sparks a National Investigation In a small town that has suddenly become the

Tom Brady's Love Life: The Ultimate Two-Minute Drill The Eternal Quarterback of Love Tom Brady’s football career might be over, but his dating life? That’s still in the playoffs. After reportedly rekindling

Government’s Bold Move: Tax Credits for Staying Offline—Finally, a Reward for Disconnecting! "Unplug and save! How going off the grid could boost your bank account." In a move that has left both

Where Coffee Costs $7 and Sunshine Costs Your Sanity Seattle: The City Where Gray Skies Are a Personality Trait Seattle perches on the Puget Sound like a soggy testament to human adaptability,

Doomsday Dispatch: When Tariffs Send Love Letters to Judges By The Mo’ Dramatic Times, Satire Desk Judges as Velvet-Rope Bouncers of the Economy Trump’s “Doomsday Tariff Letter” reads less like a sober policy