I’ll start running tomorrow. (Never does.)

Running Tomorrow: The Cardio of Denial

Always a Step Ahead–of Actually Running

“I’ll start running tomorrow,” they say–fully dressed in activewear, standing next to untouched sneakers that haven’t seen pavement since Obama was in office. Spoiler: tomorrow never comes.

Funny Evidence from the Couch-to-Never-5K Program

One guy downloaded five running apps, followed zero. Another bought $200 shoes, then used them to walk from bed to fridge. Their Fitbit is lonely and passive-aggressive.

Quote from a Future Jogger

“I’m carb-loading in advance,” said Nikki NoMiles, eating garlic bread during her third consecutive rest week.

Satirical Snapshot

This mindset burns more excuses than calories. They’ll explain their plan in detail–intervals, playlists, hydration strategy–but somehow never cross their own driveway.

Conclusion: You Don’t Need to Run a Marathon–Just Run

Tomorrow is the new never. Just start with a walk… maybe to that gym you’ve been paying for since 2018.

For more non-athletic ambition, jog your irony over to bohiney.com