WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic lawmakers arrived at the Capitol carrying a sweeping immigration reform proposal and discovered a small constitutional inconvenience: the president was still issued a veto at no additional charge.

The reform package reportedly arrived in twelve binders, three rolling suitcases and a cardboard tube large enough to transport a municipal water main. President Donald Trump examined the mountain of paperwork and asked whether it came with a return label.

Immigration Reform Runs Into the Presidential Veto

“We have worked tirelessly to produce a comprehensive solution,” declared a Democratic negotiator, who described comprehensive as a term meaning everybody gets something they dislike and nobody understands page 714.

The proposal covered border security, legal immigration, asylum processing, employment verification, work permits and a federal office to explain why the previous federal offices had not solved any of those problems.

Trump listened politely, which caused several aides to check whether he was feeling well. Then he held up a red stamp the size of a waffle iron.

“Beautiful bill,” he said. “Very thick. Excellent paper. Shame about the president.”

Lawmakers immediately demanded to know whether using a veto against legislation was constitutional. An intern opened the Constitution, found Article I, Section 7, and was escorted from the meeting for introducing an unexpected primary source.

Congress Discovers the Constitution Has More Than One Branch

The Constitution Annotated’s explanation of Article I, Section 7 describes the presidential veto and congressional override process. Congress can override a veto with two-thirds votes in both chambers, a threshold that Washington regards as mathematically unreasonable because it requires politicians to agree with people they have recently called dangerous.

Negotiators suggested calling the measure a bipartisan compromise. The Republican delegation asked which Republican had compromised. Democrats said that was precisely the part still being negotiated.

One consultant recommended renaming the proposal the American Border Prosperity Freedom and Common Sense Act. Another suggested adding the word “children” because every bill polls better when opponents must explain why they voted against children.

The third consultant proposed putting the entire immigration system into an app. Applicants would upload documents, wait for approval and receive a notification explaining that their session had expired.

Washington’s Border Debate Acquires a Customer Service Desk

At the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, real immigration procedures already require forms, evidence and careful processing. Congress decided that the paperwork could be made more efficient by adding an oversight committee to review why paperwork takes so long.

Meanwhile, border communities asked for workable laws, sufficient staffing and a system that distinguishes lawful applicants from unlawful entry without turning every case into a televised campaign commercial.

By sunset, congressional leaders announced progress. They had agreed that immigration was complicated, the border was geographically located near Mexico, and the president possessed a pen.

Trump offered to lend Congress the pen. He kept the stamp.