DNC Chair Ken Martin Confuses School Budget Memo with Communist Manifesto

Minnesota’s Ken Martin, now DNC Chair and accidental left-wing truther, reportedly mistook a school funding memo for The Communist Manifesto after skimming the phrase “redistributive equity.” Sources say he immediately summoned IT to wipe his hard drive, just in case Engels had somehow returned via PDF.

“Who wrote this?” Martin demanded, sweating through his Brooks Brothers collar. “This says… free breakfast for all. That’s clearly Marxist propaganda!”

The document in question was a PowerPoint titled “Improving Access to Textbooks in Low-Income Districts.” But once Martin saw the words “universal” and “funded,” he assumed Lenin was alive and hiding in an Excel sheet.

Staffers tried to calm him by showing the memo came from a 5th grade teacher in Des Moines. Martin replied, “She’s probably part of the network.”

According to leaked emails, Martin considered creating a new DNC division focused on “Monitoring Overzealous Lunch Programs.”

Nancy Pelosi weighed in, saying, “Ken’s heart is in the right place. His paranoia, however, is in East Germany.”

The AFT responded with a tweet: “We just want glue sticks, Ken. Not the means of production.”

Martin remains convinced: Marxism now begins with student Wi-Fi access.

SOURCE: Great Marxist Purge