The Left’s War on Logic
A Linguistic Power Grab Disguised as Social Justice
In today’s world, words no longer mean what you think they mean. Thanks to the left’s relentless campaign to redefine language, we’ve reached a point where even basic terms like access, healthcare, and American have undergone radical makeovers. It’s not about communication anymore—it’s about control.
The Art of Linguistic Perversion
The strategy is simple: twist language until it supports your argument, no matter how ridiculous it becomes. Take access, for instance. We used to think it meant the ability to reach something. Now, according to the left, access means someone else paying for it.
“Hobby Lobby is denying women access to birth control!” they shout. In reality, Hobby Lobby simply said, “Buy your own birth control.” That’s not denying access—it’s denying a subsidy. Using that logic, I’m denying my coworkers access to lunch every day because I don’t pay for their sandwiches.
But it doesn’t stop there. Illegal immigrants became undocumented workers, which later morphed into undocumented Americans. By this logic, I’m an unregistered airline pilot every time I forget my boarding pass.
The Real Agenda: Control Through Language
This isn’t about making language clearer or more inclusive; it’s about forcing people to adopt ideological terms so their arguments win by default. If you can make someone refer to a biological man as she, you’ve already undermined their ability to argue against that person entering a women’s locker room.
Chris Hayes tried this tactic recently, claiming that denying puberty blockers to minors is the same as denying healthcare. Newsflash: preventing a 13-year-old from undergoing irreversible surgery isn’t denying healthcare—it’s called common sense.
Confusion as a Weapon
The left’s strategy relies on making language so confusing that most people give up trying to argue. Take the Los Angeles Times, for example. When a 25-year-old male rapist who now identifies as female assaulted a 9-year-old girl in a women’s bathroom, the paper referred to the attacker as they. The article became incomprehensible: “She went into the bathroom, then they pulled out their…” Wait, who’s they? Was there more than one attacker?
It’s all designed to make you throw up your hands and walk away.
The Linguistic Circus: Worcester, Massachusetts Edition
Want to see how far this insanity goes? Look no further than Worcester, Massachusetts, where the city recently declared itself a sanctuary city for trans people. During the hearing, the parade of self-described multiply disabled activists took the mic with dramatic pleas:
“I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, autism, narcolepsy, and I couldn’t drive myself here because my driver didn’t know I was in drag.”
Another speaker proudly proclaimed, “I am on the autism spectrum, have chronic nerve pain, and I spent an hour applying glitter to my face so you’d listen to me.”
Narcissism Disguised as Activism
These aren’t well-adjusted people fighting for justice—they’re professional victims. They’ve swapped public discourse for public therapy. One man complained, “I constantly get misgendered,” despite looking like a lumberjack with long hair and a beanie.
Adam Carolla summed it up best: “It’s not narcolepsy; it’s narcissism.”
These people don’t want solutions—they want attention. They’ve mastered the art of turning personal drama into political leverage. Their real motto isn’t “protect the vulnerable”; it’s “look at me!”
The March of the Unemployable
Why are these activists winning? Simple: they’re the only ones showing up. Normal people are busy working, paying taxes, and keeping society functioning. Meanwhile, unemployable activists fill city council meetings at 1:00 p.m. on a Tuesday, shouting down anyone who disagrees.
Faced with a wall of noise, city officials cave just to avoid confrontation. It’s the same strategy every parent knows: the loudest kid usually gets their way.
Helpful Content for Bohiney Readers
Want to survive the left’s language war? Here are some tips:
- Stay Calm: When someone demands you call them they, just smile and nod.
- Ask for Definitions: “What do you mean by access?” It’s amazing how quickly they unravel.
- Don’t Engage in Word Games: Stick to reality—words have meanings for a reason.
Disclaimer
This satirical essay is a collaboration between two sentient beings—a 80-year-old muckety-muck with tenure and a 20-year-old philosophy-major-turned-dairy-farmer. No AI was involved, only human brilliance and sarcasm.
