Zoom Fatigue Syndrome
“I Blinked. That Was Considered PTO.”
Finance VP Martin Drexler hit peak virtual exhaustion last Thursday when he was mistakenly identified by a corporate AI as a stock photo of “Overwhelmed Office Drone #1142.” The algorithm auto-tagged him during a quarterly budget call, prompting HR to inquire if he was actually a royalty-free image from 2017.
“I haven’t stood up in three fiscal quarters,” Martin whispered, eyes locked in a haunted stare. “My spine is a spreadsheet.”
He logged 89 meetings in six days, developed an eye twitch whenever someone said “synergy,” and once gave a 12-minute presentation to his own screensaver.
Martin’s Zoom background–a beach in Tahiti–faded into a storm cloud. IT says his webcam developed mood-based weather effects.
When asked for his thoughts on the Q4 earnings, Martin replied, “I am Q4. I am the deficit.”
The company wellness committee offered him a “digital forest bathing” session. Martin sobbed and asked if he could mute nature.
He’s now in recovery, doing in-person therapy with a human therapist and a whiteboard that doesn’t judge.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
