Gender Reveal Pyrotechnics
Pink or Blue–Prepare for Impact
When the Johnsons launched a firework-filled gender reveal that shook three counties, NORAD briefly logged it as an unauthorized missile test and deployed three drones and one very confused tank.
The Explosion
Witnesses say the sky turned magenta, a bassinet parachuted from a drone, and the family dog is still hiding in a closet labeled “It’s a girl!”
Collateral Damage
Nearby neighbors suffered glitter inhalation, frosting trauma, and one broken porch swing from a rogue cannon.
Expert Commentary
Event safety analyst Dr. Blaze Flicker says, “Gender reveals have outpaced monster truck rallies in both noise and emotional fallout.”
Conclusion
The baby has not yet been born, but already has a Wikipedia page and a local cease-and-desist named after her.
