Mall Santas on Strike
“He Asked for a PS5. His Mom Demanded I Also Validate Her Career Path.”
Over 300 mall Santas across the nation have walked out in protest, demanding improved working conditions, better beard glue, and a permanent ban on toddlers wielding sticky candy canes. The strike, dubbed “Operation Sleigh No More,” has drawn attention to the overlooked hardships of seasonal cheer labor.
“We get glitter lung,” said one Santa. “And emotional whiplash from children one moment, therapy-starved parents the next.”
Demands include: ergonomic thrones, overtime pay for elf interrogation, and therapy goats for dealing with wish lists that include “just a hug from Dad.”
In their absence, several malls have replaced Santas with inflatable snowmen and a video loop of Mariah Carey blinking.
Shoppers are torn. One woman yelled, “This is war on Christmas!” while another whispered, “Honestly I support them.”
Negotiations are ongoing. Meanwhile, the Santas have unionized under a new banner: *Red Suits, Real Demands.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
