Amateur Survivalists

Prepared to Be Unprepared

When Kevin “Wilderness Kev” Thompson set out for a weekend hike, he brought waterproof matches, a tactical spoon, and enough beans to withstand Armageddon–but forgot both his can opener and all the people he invited.

The Solo Saga

“Beans are nature’s protein,” Kev said, chewing through a label. “I was spiritually nourished, if not physically.”

Expert Take

Survivalist coach Barb Knifewalker explained, “Survival’s about balance. He had too many beans, not enough common sense.”

Wildlife Impact

Several raccoons attempted an intervention. One left a note made of pine needles spelling “Get help.”

Conclusion

Kevin was rescued by a hiking influencer who mistook him for a mossy rock. He now runs a blog called *Bean There, Regretted That.*


Amateur Survivalists - Man Brings 38 Cans of Beans on Weekend Hike, Forgets Can Opener and Friends - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Amateur Survivalists - Man Brings 38 Cans of Beans on Weekend Hike, Forgets Can Opener and Friends - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Amateur Survivalists – Man Brings 38 Cans of Beans on Weekend Hike, Forgets Can Opener and Friends – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Amateur Survivalists - Man Brings 38 Cans of Beans on Weekend Hike, Forgets Can Opener and Friends
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Amateur Survivalists
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Amateur Survivalists – Man Brings 38 Cans of Beans on Weekend Hike, Forgets Can Opener and Friends

By Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter “Deep Brain” that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as “the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.” Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona’s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs. CONTACT: jack@handey.top