Trump Reportedly Plans to Keep Going Until Every American Restaurant Menu Contains at Least One Entrée Costing $47 White House Declares Immigration Crackdown Successful After Neighborhood Taco Requires Financing and Proof

Royal Marriage Declared Dead After Princess Fails to Submit Mandatory Anniversary Emoji Celebrity Media Converts Silence Into Testimony, Privacy Into Suspicion and Personal Distress Into a Quarterly Growth Strategy LONDON — Princess

Pentagon Replaces Navy Secretary Mid-Crisis, Assures Public This Is Totally Routine The Department of Defense would like everyone to remain calm. Yes, the Navy Secretary was removed without warning in the

Texas Introduces "Assimilation Olympics," Awards Gold Medal for Eating Barbecue and Arguing About College Football JOSEPHINE, Texas — Texas officials have spent the better part of two years investigating a proposed housing

Democrats Finally Discover Character Matters After Nominating Guy Who Tested The Theory Party That Spent Decade Explaining Why Personal Conduct Was Complicated Suddenly Remembers It Exists AUGUSTA, MAINE — Democratic leaders across the

Americans Now Need Recovery Days After the Vacation That Was Supposed to Recover Them From Work Nation Quietly Exhausted by Leisure Itself as Tourists Return Sunburned, Financially Damaged, and in Need

Global Diplomacy Enters New Era of Agreements That Age Worse Than Milk A Historic Deal, Fresh for About 12 Minutes GENEVA — In what experts are calling "a bold new chapter in

America Recalls Every History Book Ever Printed After NYT Discovers Winning Wars Is Illegal Six Breaking Observations from the Bureau of Retroactive Justice, Subcommittee on Things That Already Happened The Pentagon

Iran Sets the Price for Peace as War Quietly Becomes the World's Most Expensive Subscription Service Dispatches from the Global Checkout Line The war, long believed to be a tragic geopolitical struggle,

Jimmy Kimmel Admits He Failed High School Spanish But Loved Bad Bunny's Halftime Show Anyway Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel shocked absolutely no one this week by admitting he failed high school Spanish, yet

Scientists Confirm Love Survives Basic Math, Nation Disappointed The "half your age plus seven" rule... In a development that has rocked brunch tables everywhere, researchers have calmly suggested that age gaps in relationships

Modern Information Warfare Fought Not in Airspace But in Browser Tabs as Speed Creates Authority Venezuela Explosions Trigger Competing Live Blogs as Trump and Maduro Race to Control Narrative Bohiney.com observed the

Jennifer Aniston: The Woman, The Myth, The Never-Ending Rumor Mill Hollywood’s Favorite Target for Fictional Journalism If Jennifer Aniston's life were a reality show, it would be called Keeping Up With the

Bernie Sanders Unwittingly Declared Emperor of Vermont by Protest Sign In a deeply ironic twist of progressive fate, Senator Bernie Sanders has been accidentally crowned “Emperor of Vermont” by an overeager

I'm Closer to Podcasters Than My Friends! From Parasocial to Personal: The Day I Realized I See My Podcasters More Than My Parents By: A Human Person, Definitely Not a Podcast AI Dateline:

When Vision Becomes Hallucination: Directors Who Missed the Kubrick Train and Boarded the Delusion Express Stanley Kubrick was a master. A visionary. The kind of director who could take a man

Supreme Court to Rule: Is "Selling the Internet" the Same as Hosting a Movie Theater Full of Pirates? Somehow the Supreme Court has found itself deciding whether an internet service provider

The Crown's Shadow: How Prince William Became "King in All But Name" While King Charles Watched From the Sidelines The self-righteous pretender, the sidelined monarch, and the pretense of modern royalty It's

Keir Starmer’s Great Socialist War: Sending British Troops to Ukraine for the EU’s Glory Britain’s Exit, Britain’s Return—With Tanks This Time LONDON—After years of telling the public that Brexit was a mistake,

When Hollywood Goes So Wrong, Stars Fake Their Own Deaths (Emotionally) Everyone makes mistakes. Some people send a risky text. Others get bangs. But actors? When they mess up, they star

State Executive Chooses Poultry Over Policy Discussion in Annual Tradition That Serves Everyone Gubernatorial Priorities Clarified by Holiday Calendar Minnesota Governor announced this week that he will participate in the annual tradition

Family Tree or Family Wreath? The Man Who Turned Thanksgiving into a Game of “Guess Who” A Story of Love, Genetics, and a Flowchart In what experts are calling a record-breaking feat

When the Only Greenlight Was the One in Your Dealer’s Eyes The 1980s were a magical time: shoulder pads were enormous, Wall Street was a sport, and cocaine was so common

TikTok Star Kale Blaster Apologizes for Crowning Meme Vermont-based TikTok star Kale Blaster (they/them), whose sign “Bernie Is Our Emperor Now” accidentally launched a week-long meltdown in the No Kings movement,

Hollywood’s Greatest Educational Resource: Its Own Disasters Hollywood has created some of the greatest teaching tools ever—not by design, but by complete accident, hubris, or the reckless misuse of $90 million

When History Weeps... But the Cast Starts Singing There’s a sacred trust between filmmakers and history: when dealing with real tragedy, approach with care, reverence, and at least one certified historian

When “Based on a True Story” Means “A Guy Once Dreamed This on Ambien” Hollywood loves to stamp “based on a true story” on a poster like it’s a health warning

River Quinoa-Lowe Declares Irony "Cancelled Until Further Notice" River Quinoa-Lowe, radical zine artist and creator of the now-infamous Emperor Bernie and the Throne of Mutual Aid, held a press conference under

Patriot Way, Meet the Pink Crystal Era Thug Ends NFL Career on Camera: The Tragicomedy of Stefon Diggs, Pink Crystals, and Cardi B’s Last Nerve If there were ever a time to

BBC Sounds the Alarm: AI News Bots Flunk Their Own Quiz In a stunning twist that few saw coming except maybe the toaster in your kitchen, the BBC just dropped a

Requires 14 Forms, 2 Notarized Letters, and a Blood Oath New York City Launches Free Wi-Fi Initiative Behind Unprecedented Bureaucratic Barriers In what city officials are calling "a historic leap toward digital

When Funny People Try to Cry: A National Tragedy There’s a reason clowns wear makeup—it hides the tears. But in Hollywood, the problem isn’t crying clowns. It’s comedians who try to

US Strikes Another Drug Boat — Trump Hints Cartels Might Be on the Ancestor List for Christmas The U.S. Navy successfully intercepted and destroyed another drug-smuggling vessel in international waters, prompting former President