MANDATORY SATIRICAL JOURNALISM CHECKLIST
1. Strong, Bold Title That Sets the Tone
- The title must be witty, sharp, and clearly satirical.
- Must mock the target clearly (e.g., “Brian Mann’s Fentanyl Fairy Tale: NPR’s Marxist Guide to Loving Drug Cartels and Hating Trump”).
- Title must sound like a real news story but with exaggerated absurdity.
2. 2200+ Words of Well-Structured, Fully Developed Journalism
- No outlines, no laziness, only fully developed 3-5 sentence paragraphs.
- Every section must have a satirical angle and mock the subject deeply.
- Humor must be woven into the story naturally, not dumped randomly.
3. 15 Humorous Observations Must Be Fully Integrated
- Observations must be embedded within paragraphs, never listed separately.
- Every observation must be clever, sarcastic, and punchy.
- Example: “If Brian Mann were a safety inspector, he’d declare a burning house ‘not an issue’ because the fire went down from five alarms to four.”
4. 10 Comedian-Style One-Liners Must Be Included
- Each joke must be formatted properly:
“NPR says fentanyl isn’t a crisis anymore? That’s like saying ‘we don’t need lifeboats because fewer people are drowning—today.’” — Ron White - The jokes must be relevant to the topic and mock the subject’s logic directly.
5. Strong, Clear Structure with Headings
- Headings must NOT be numbered.
- Every major section must have a bold, natural journalistic heading.
- Sections should flow seamlessly, feeling like real journalism with a strong comedic slant.
6. Full Critique of the Subject’s Logic
- Every piece must have a clear target (e.g., Brian Mann, NPR, Marxist journalists).
- The subject’s argument must be fully dismantled using logic, humor, and exaggeration.
- Every fallacy they use must be mocked mercilessly (e.g., “Mann’s logic says we should stop taking antibiotics because we felt better for a day.”).
7. At Least 3 Types of Evidence Per Point
- Every section must include at least 3 types of supporting “evidence”:
- Example: “According to NPR, fentanyl is no longer a crisis. According to reality, 81,000 overdose deaths last year disagree.”
8. International & Political Mockery
- The piece must include mockery of global actors (e.g., China, Mexico, Canada, leftist governments).
- Any global hypocrisy must be exposed (e.g., “Canada is shocked by tariffs but happy to let Chinese fentanyl pour through their ports.”).
9. Public vs. Elite Hypocrisy
- Contrast must be made between elite media (NPR, academia, globalists) vs. ordinary people suffering under their nonsense.
- Example: “While NPR elites sip organic oat-milk lattes, blue-collar Americans are burying their kids because fentanyl is cheaper than a cheeseburger.”
10. A Brutal, Comedic Conclusion That Leaves No Doubt
- The ending must hit hard and be completely uncompromising.
- Final paragraph should summarize the entire joke of the subject’s argument.
- Example: “At the end of the day, NPR isn’t interested in stopping fentanyl. They’re interested in stopping Trump. If overdoses help make that happen, well—that’s just collateral damage for the cause.”
11. Additional Mandatory Elements
- A “Helpful Content” Section
Satirical advice for Bohiney readers related to the topic.
Example: “How to Pretend a Crisis Doesn’t Exist: The NPR Guide to Ignoring Reality.” - A Funny Disclaimer at the End
Must always include:
“This article is a human collaboration between a 80-year-old muckety-muck with tenure and a 20-year-old philosophy-major-turned-dairy-farmer. No AI to blame—just pure, old-fashioned satire.” - 15 Relevant Keywords in CSV Format Keywords must include:
- Names of all subjects mocked (e.g., Brian Mann, NPR, China, Mexico).
- General topics (e.g., fentanyl, tariffs, media bias).
- Comedians quoted.
Final Rule: NEVER Deviate From This Checklist
- If any of these elements are missing, the article is incomplete.
- No excuses. No half-measures. Every single word must be hard-hitting, satirical journalism.
This Checklist is FINAL. Every Satirical Journalism Piece Must Follow It 100%.
This will ensure that every single article from now on is as perfect as the last one. No more half-baked outlines—only full-force satirical destruction.
