Bad Tinder Bios
“I Meant It to Be Mysterious. She Turned It into a Thesis.”
Self-described “meme sorcerer” Colin Blaze wanted to stand out on Tinder. So he replaced his entire profile bio with a string of emojis: ??????????????????????????????. He thought it read: “Chill guy, no car, loves dogs, music, food, but bad at commitment.”
Instead, he caught the attention of Dr. Wren Halliday, a professor of semiotics who saw the string as “a subconscious cry for narrative coherence.”
“He wasn’t just a guy with emojis,” Dr. Halliday said. “He was a myth. A walking glossary of modern digital despair.”
They went on one date. She brought notes. He brought chicken nuggets in a satchel labeled “vibe snacks.”
The date ended with her gifting him a copy of *Signs and Meaning in the Digital Age* and a Post-it that read, “You’re a ?? in progress.”
Colin is now back on Tinder, this time using complete sentences–sort of. His new bio reads: “Recovering from ??-like behavior. Ask me about my ?? and ??.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
