Overly Proud Plant Parents
“I Thought We Were Coming for Brunch. Turns Out It Was a Photosynthesis Celebration.”
Urban millennial Bryce Landry invited ten friends over for what they believed was a casual hangout. Instead, they were greeted with balloons, a vegan cake, and a banner that read: “Happy 3rd Chloroversary, Leopold!”–dedicated to his 5-foot fiddle leaf fig tree.
“He made us sing,” said one friend. “To a plant. In key.”
Guests were asked to bring gifts “Leopold could use,” including humidifiers, misting spray, and homemade soil affirmations. One woman brought Miracle-Gro and was asked to leave for “not believing in organic emotional exchange.”
The party featured games like “Pin the Leaf on the Botany” and a slideshow of Leopold’s growth milestones–complete with music from Enya and guest appearances by succulents wearing bowties.
Bryce insists it’s not weird. “Leopold is thriving emotionally. His turgor pressure is immaculate.”
He’s launched a parenting blog: *Rooted in Love,* and plans a sibling cactus named Dolores.
His mom has stopped answering his texts.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
