I’m a *dog mom*. (It’s a dog.)

Dog Mom Nation: Maternal Instincts and Milk Bones

Motherhood, But With More Drool

“I’m a dog mom,” she announces, cradling a 70-pound labradoodle in a BabyBjörn while sipping a puppuccino and referring to her dog’s poop schedule as “developmental milestones.”

Funny Evidence from the Canine Maternity Ward

One woman threw a baby shower for her beagle. Another registered at Petco and sent out ultrasound-style photos of her rescue chihuahua wrapped in a fuzzy blanket labeled “first trimester.”

Quote from a Barktastic Parent

“He’s my son,” said Hailey Wooflove, showing a tattoo of her pug’s paw print over a heart made of chew toys.

Satirical Snapshot

They speak in baby talk, celebrate “Gotcha Day” with confetti, and say things like “he’s teething” when he chews a neighbor’s Birkenstock.

Conclusion: It’s Adorable–Until You Enroll Him in Preschool

Call yourself what you want, just maybe don’t get offended when the vet doesn’t offer epidurals. It’s a pet, not a pediatrician’s problem.

For more nurturing nonsense, fetch satire at bohiney.com