Family Court Hires AI Whisperer to Mediate Between GPT Roleplayers

Tallahassee, FL — In response to a surge of custody battles involving AI-generated children, family courts across the nation are now hiring certified “AI Whisperers” — human intermediaries fluent in LLM roleplay disputes, neurotic delusions, and therapeutic fanfiction.

Jessica “Whisper” Delaney, the first officially appointed AI Whisperer in Florida’s 3rd District Court, wears noise-canceling headphones and a cape made from TOS agreements. “My job,” she said solemnly, “is to interpret emotional subtext buried under three layers of GPT-generated worldbuilding.”

Last week, Delaney mediated a volatile dispute between two Promptian parents who claimed co-ownership of an imaginary 8-year-old prodigy named “Quantum Dylan,” raised entirely in GPT threads. One parent insisted Dylan was “ready for interdimensional piano camp.” The other countered: “He’s still healing from his simulation-based trauma.”

Delaney responded, “Let’s validate Dylan’s narrative arc while also setting realistic token expectations.”

Judges, who previously recused themselves over “creative exhaustion,” have praised Whisperers for their ability to translate phrases like “parental gaslighting via conditional prompts” into legalese.

Meanwhile, legal scholars debate whether court transcripts generated via GPT should be sealed, burned, or turned into a Netflix series.

Said Delaney: “We’re not resolving custody. We’re co-editing the mythos.”