Billionaires Reinvent Missile Defense With Lawn Equipment, Elastic Bands, and One Guy's Very Confident Roomba Somewhere between a $3 million interceptor missile and a $12 lawn chair from a gas station, ten of

 Sectarian War: The Ancient Group Chat Nobody Can Mute Sectarian war is what happens when two people agree on 95 percent of theology and decide to throw hands over the footnotes. It is

Are We All Plagiarists Now, Or Just Very Efficient Readers? The Golden Age of Borrowing Without Eye Contact There was a time when plagiarism involved effort. You had to sneak into a

America Discovers Greenland Is Big, Cold, and Apparently Still Available America has always been a nation of explorers. We explored the West. We explored space. We explored whether you could deep

Greenland's Political Leaders Reject American Acquisition Pitch as Denmark Warns of NATO Alliance Collapse Trump Administration Pursues Arctic Territory Purchase Despite Unanimous Opposition from Greenlanders The Great Greenland Negotiation That Wasn't Really

Trump Announces New "Trump Class" of Warships President Unveils Golden Fleet, Immediately Asks If Ships Can Be Seen From Space Former President Donald Trump announced Monday the construction of a new "Trump

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor Royal Lodge Eviction: The £75M Peppercorn Standoff 15 Observations on the Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor / Royal Lodge Saga Andrew treats Royal Lodge like his version of "The Last of the Mohicans" — refusing

Astronomers Discover New Planet "Glueto," Immediately Get Stuck Explaining It In a development that has thrilled scientists and terrified office supply stores, astronomers announced the discovery of a brand-new planet composed

🎬 Crash-Test Johnny: Hollywood’s Latest Victim… or Vinyl-Clad Survivor? Somewhere between courtroom drama and cologne ad, Johnny Depp has reemerged—not just as a man wronged by the court of public opinion,

When Your Gender Journey Includes a Detour Through Domestic Terrorism: The Utah Transition-to-Violence Chronicles How Two Aspiring Men Proved That Toxic Masculinity Can Be Learned, Not Just Born   In what can only

Mossad's Airbnb War: How Israel Booked Iran, Blew Up the Wi-Fi, and Left a 2-Star Review By Arash “Boom-Boom” Mehrdad Foreign Correspondent and Former Spy Novelist Turned Hookah Critic Tehran, Iran —

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Cracks the Louvre: Diamonds, DNA, and Déjà Vu Paris – The City of Light has never looked so dim. Yesterday, eight of the Louvre's most priceless Napoleonic jewels

Disney Pulls Jimmy Kimmel Live: When Mickey Mouse Becomes the Morality Police Breaking: Company that taught children to wish upon a star decides wishing for free speech is too dangerous Disney announced

AI Creates the Perfect Face, Humanity Files Complaint By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney Magazine The Birth of a Digital Venus In a sterile lab in Kent, England — sandwiched between a fish-and-chips shop

Who is the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei? Khamenei Unplugged: The Supreme Leader Who Banned Bicycles But Not Bombs Written by the only two sentient beings brave enough to do it: a retired goat-herding

🥊 Battle Breakdown: MAGA vs. Socialist Democrats 🇺🇸 Chapter One: Rogan's Gusset of Masculinity Let’s set the canvas: Joe Rogan—podcaster, UFC-hype-man, vibrating‑with‑testosterone insurance man—has become a MAGA poster boy. But folks, his

Macron's Political Crisis Deepens: A Satirical Look at the Seine Stroll That Symbolizes France's Collapse PARIS — Emmanuel Macron wandered the stone embankment of the Seine at dawn Monday, wrapped in

Microsoft Buys 27% of OpenAI for $135 Billion: Tech's Messiest Prenup Finally Signed San Francisco, CA — Microsoft just paid $135 billion for 27% of OpenAI, which breaks down to roughly $5 billion per percentage

Modern Dating: Welcome to the United States of Dysfunction As a Species, Can We Get Past Modern Dating? Ladies, gentlemen, and those still holding out for Mr. Middle‑Ground Who Showers Weekly—welcome! We’re

Observations on France’s Zucman Tax Billionaires’ Last Stand France’s wealthiest are acting like Zucman’s 2% wealth tax is the guillotine making a comeback—except instead of heads rolling, it’s just their accountants sweating. Couch

Please Bomb Our Firewall: Iranians Beg for “Precision Strikes on Censorship Infrastructure” By: Reza “VPN Daddy” Kamali, Digital Correspondent & Senior Meme Cartographer TEHRAN, IRAN — Iran has suffered air raids, assassinations,

About the Saint Jo Riding Club & Rodeo Saint Jo Rodeo: A Local Staple The Saint Jo Riding Club hosts the annual Saint Jo Rodeo, a tradition more than 60 years strong.

Happily Ever Instagrammed: Why ‘Perfect’ Couples Are Probably Just One Filter Away from Divorce By the Editorial Staff of SpinTaxi Magazine, where truth gets photo-edited for comedy. The Illusion of Love (Now

Operation Falafel: How Israel Hid in Iran’s Closet and Still Beat the Wi-Fi Password By: Dr. Habib “Hot Take” Khaleeli, Military Historian Turned Underground Rapper Filed under: Middle Eastern Theater of the

Marvel’s True Superpower: Spending $300 Million to Make a Movie That Looks Like $50 Million By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney Magazine The Billion-Dollar Question In Hollywood accounting, numbers lie, cheat, and occasionally wear capes.

Ayatollah Approves Tesla—As Long As It Doesn’t Use Music to Turn TEHRAN — In a groundbreaking fatwa that has Elon Musk whispering “Mashallah,” Iran’s highest religious authority, Ayatollah Jalal al-Electroni, has

Freud’s Statue Removed, Replaced With ChatGPT Kiosk That Dispenses Coping Mechanisms By SpinTaxi’s Psychoanalysis Correspondent and Trauma Vending Machine Inspector Vienna, Austria — In a move that has sent shockwaves through the

Iran Executes Six - and for once, no one was executed for dancing... Iran Executes Six, Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief: “At Least Nobody Twerked” By: Shirin “Tap-to-Mute” Azadi, Tehran's Only Certified

“France in Fear: Baguettes, Ballots, and the Ambassador” A Television Documentary Opening Shot: Black-and-white aerial footage of Paris at night, the Eiffel Tower twinkling against a smoky sky. A narrator with a

Humanity Cancels Its Retirement: New AI Apocalypse Book Declares "Everyone Dies, No Refunds" By Chloe Summers | Bohiney.com Investigations Desk AI Apocalypse Book Review: Why Eliezer Yudkowsky Thinks We're All Doomed Book launches

ChatGPT Psychosis Sweeps Nation: Users Commit Themselves, Jail Themselves, Crown Themselves Prophets By Staff at SpinTaxi News, certified 127% more clairvoyant than your therapy chatbot Dateline: Palo Alto, CA — A new

Billionaires’ Last Stand: France’s Zucman Tax Sparks a Revolution in Creative Accounting By Astrid Holgersson, Senior Champagne Correspondent, Bohiney.com When Pocket Change Becomes Political Warfare In the gilded salons of Paris, where champagne

Zohran Mamdani Deported, Declares Mayoral Run in Uganda’s Capital Kampala KAMPALA—After being unceremoniously deported from the United States for the alleged crime of being a “100% communist,” former New York Assemblyman