Terrible Karaoke Duets
“We Thought Someone Was Being Attacked by a Dolphin.”
First responders were dispatched to Lucky Yak Karaoke Lounge in Cleveland after multiple patrons reported what sounded like “wailing, emotional hostage-taking, and a cry for help in musical form.” The source: a couple’s off-key, off-rhythm, off-mood rendition of “Endless Love.”
“He sang like a tax auditor,” said bartender Melanie. “She sounded like she was harmonizing with a haunted teakettle.”
The couple–realtor Gary and dental hygienist Lisa–insist they rehearse every Friday night in their garage, where the acoustics are “romantically echoey.”
Halfway through the song, Lisa attempted a key change that resulted in the spontaneous shattering of a lightbulb and one martini glass. Gary kept singing through the chaos, blinking through the fog machine and pride.
When officers arrived, they found no crime, but did recommend “consideration of melody laws and emotional zoning codes.”
The performance has since been uploaded to YouTube under the title *Endless Sob*, with 412,000 views and counting. Comments range from “this cured my fear of singing” to “my ears filed a restraining order.”
Undeterred, the couple is preparing a follow-up performance of “Islands in the Stream,” described by insiders as “a floating disaster in two-part disharmony.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
