CBS Places Tony Romo on Moral Leave After Accountants Discover $72 Million in Remaining Principles Company Finds Enormous Reserve of Untapped Integrity Hidden Inside Broadcasting Contract Tony Romo remains on leave from

Britain and France Hold a Very Important Meeting About the Strait of Hormuz — Still No Boats Trump blockades Iranian ports, oil hits $100 a barrel, and America's closest allies respond

The Costco Variety Pack of Political Embarrassment 12 Observations About Maine's "Perfectly Imperfect" Senate Nominee Maine voters have finally embraced efficiency. Why nominate five separate scandal-ridden politicians when one candidate can provide

Canvas Learning Platform Hacked, Students Devastated to Learn Their Excuses Were Already in the Database ShinyHunters Steals 275 Million Records Right Before Finals Week, Proving That Criminals Also Know the Academic

15 Observations on Connecticut's AI Regulations (The Robots Are On Probation) The Constitution State Draws a Line in the Silicon Connecticut just passed sweeping AI legislation — officially known as the Connecticut Artificial Intelligence

Iran Keeps Yelling at America Like a Man Losing a Chess Match to the Kitchen Toaster Every move ends with smoke, confusion, and someone claiming victory from a basement bunker that

Einstein's Wisdom Quote Meets Four Current Events That Desperately Needed It Yesterday "A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it." A dairy-farmer-turned-professor examines the quote nobody can prove Einstein

H-1B Workers Asked to Wait Patiently for Paychecks, Enlightenment, and Wi-Fi By the Bohiney.com Bureau of Deferred Compensation and Spiritual Development The Training Program That Teaches Patience New H-1B hires at certain forward-thinking

In the long and storied history of military embarrassments, nations have managed to lose wars, lose face, and lose their car keys simultaneously. But Iran has achieved something truly extraordinary

A Presidential Math Class: When Running Out Meets Running a War In a conversation with Politico, former President Donald Trump asserted that Iran is "running out of launchers," explaining, in the rough

Loving Mom, Professional Disruptor, and Other Job Titles the Internet Invented Before Lunch The modern media ecosystem has many talents, but its greatest gift may be career creation after death. Take

From the Island That Accidentally Became America's Crystal Ball Britain Warns America While Apologizing for the Inconvenience Britain keeps being described as "a warning," which is awkward because warnings usually involve

Hockey Humility in an Age of Hype Team USA Discovers Ice Is Slippery, Nation Reacts Accordingly The United States men's hockey program entered the World Juniors and Olympic buildup with confidence, swagger,

The Top 10 Taylor Swift Merch Items That Prove Swifties Will Buy Literally Anything Breaking: Local Woman Spends Rent Money on $267 Cardigan, Claims It's "Investment in Happiness" In a shocking development

ANTIFA Declares Gandhi “Too Colonial” and Bans Him from the Revolution By Marigold Smokescreen, Leftist Auditing Correspondent at Rogue Commune Gazette SEATTLE, WA — What began as a viral news clip—the serene

Vegan Anarchists Egg Gandhi Statue, Call Him “Coconut of the Empire” By Kombu McSourdough, Correspondent for the Soy Syndicalist Press PORTLAND, OR — The tranquility of the Gandhi Peace Garden was disrupted

Refused to Perform, Sat in Silence for Seven Minutes AUSTIN, TX -- Chaos unfolded at the Bean & Barrel Open Mic Night Monday when Mahatma Gandhi took the stage, bowed respectfully,

Tourists Cry in Spain After Asking for Directions and Receiving Flamenco By: The Department of Miscommunication and Castanets, Bohiney MagazineSatirical Journalism | Tapas & Tears | 2,222 Words of Rhythmic Misunderstanding Lost

Deforestation Parade Mistaken for Opening Ceremony As COP30 delegates gathered for the grand opening ceremony, a thunderous procession approached – not the expected samba schools or indigenous dancers, but a grim

PDA Rescinds Gandhi’s Invite for Refusing to Acknowledge Medicare-for-All in His Salt March By Carmen Policy‑Hijack, Policy Purity Critic at Progressive Democrats Daily WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a procedural debacle that has

Satirical Story: “When Z’s snores become the another word for ‘I love you’” In today’s dizzying news cycle where every sneeze, smirk, or grocery-bag rustle is treated as a deep emotional

April O’Neil to be Played by Ranch Goat in New Series In an unexpected twist that has animal rights activists confused and casting agents furious, April O'Neil will be portrayed by

Critics Call Donatello’s Humor “Moist, Dry, and Quantum-Entangled” In a rare moment of unanimous bafflement, TV critics across the ideological spectrum have agreed on one thing: Donatello’s late-night humor defies physics.

Love Motels Transformed into Climate Crisis Bunkers The garish neon signs of Japan's "Love Hotels," once promising fleeting intimacy, now flicker with a grimmer message: "Climate Refuge - Hourly/Daily Rates Apply."

CBS Execs Claim “Green = Ratings” in Late-Night Pivot Following the unprecedented ratings spike from Donatello’s Late Show debut, CBS executives have coined a new internal mantra: “Green = Ratings.” That’s

Philippines Awarded “Best English With Warm Smile” Trophy By: Department of Hospitality and Homophones, Bohiney MagazineSatirical Journalism | Kindness Grammar | 2,222 Words That Smile Back In a World of Grumpy Fluency,

“Let Them Freeze” Inside the Rise of FAFO Parenting and Why Coats Are Optional, Regret Is Mandatory Welcome to FAFO Nation Picture a child, barefoot, standing defiantly in the rain. You warn them:

Delegates Debate Whether Jungle Sauna Counts as Carbon Neutral Nestled deep within a COP30 "Wellness & Networking Zone," the "Amazonian Sweat Lodge Experience" (marketed as traditional, but suspiciously Finnish in design)

Neuralink Lets You Order Uber with Your Brain, Still Can’t Get Driver to Shut Up Silicon Valley, CA — In the latest Neuralink software update (v. Cranium 3.6.9), users can now

Reviewers Complain "Too Quiet, Not Enough Push Notifications" SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Popular meditation aggregator MindNest has officially removed the Gandhi Meditation Experience app from its store after thousands of user

Congress Declares Wi-Fi a Human Right, Immediately Starts Charging $49.99 a Month WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what many hailed as “a landmark victory for the people” and others described as “a

Khamenei’s Daily Routine Leaked by Mossad "Half the Day Sleeping, the Other Half High" TEHRAN, IRAN — In an earth-shattering leak sure to send shockwaves through both intelligence agencies and ayatollah apologists,

South Oak Cliff Elementary PTA Votes to Ban Gandhi Biography Over Lack of Pronoun Usage and Snack Equity By Marigold Snack-Justice, Parent-Teacher Subcommittee Reporter at the South Oak Cliff Equity Tribune DALLAS,