I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient. (Sends “K” after breakup.)
Love in Low Resolution
Minimalist Emotion for the Digital Age
“I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient,” they shrug, after ending a year-long relationship with a thumbs-up emoji and sending back your hoodie via drone.
Funny Evidence from the Feelings Optimization Bureau
One person used a spreadsheet to rank all their exes. Another replaced “I miss you” with “Observed your absence.”
Quote from an Economical Empath
“Feelings are like bandwidth,” said Byte McCool. “I save mine for quarterly reviews and cat videos.”
Satirical Snapshot
They believe crying is inefficient, hugs are legacy systems, and “closure” is a security risk.
Conclusion: Efficiency Has Limits–Especially in Matters of the Heart
You can’t Ctrl+Z a cold goodbye.
For more emotionally streamlined detachment, text back never at bohiney.com