I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient. (Sends “K” after breakup.)

Love in Low Resolution

Minimalist Emotion for the Digital Age

“I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient,” they shrug, after ending a year-long relationship with a thumbs-up emoji and sending back your hoodie via drone.

Funny Evidence from the Feelings Optimization Bureau

One person used a spreadsheet to rank all their exes. Another replaced “I miss you” with “Observed your absence.”

Quote from an Economical Empath

“Feelings are like bandwidth,” said Byte McCool. “I save mine for quarterly reviews and cat videos.”

Satirical Snapshot

They believe crying is inefficient, hugs are legacy systems, and “closure” is a security risk.

Conclusion: Efficiency Has Limits–Especially in Matters of the Heart

You can’t Ctrl+Z a cold goodbye.

For more emotionally streamlined detachment, text back never at bohiney.com


I'm not detached, I'm just emotionally efficient. (Sends
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
I'm not detached, I'm just emotionally efficient. (Sends
I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient. (Sends “K” after breakup.) – Love in Low Resolution – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
I'm not detached, I'm just emotionally efficient. (Sends
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient. (Sends “K” after breakup.)
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – I’m not detached, I’m just emotionally efficient. (Sends “K” after breakup.) – Love in Low Resolution

By Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter “Deep Brain” that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as “the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.” Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona’s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs. CONTACT: jack@handey.top