Royal Inevitables: A Highly Discredited Report Top 15 Observations about Royal Christmas Arrival Rules Hierarchy Over Holiday Spirit Everyone arrives in reverse rank so the big cheeses don't have to wait. It's like

Christmas Day Successfully Recreates All Family Dynamics People Spent the Year Avoiding DENVER — Christmas Day once again succeeded in perfectly recreating every family dynamic Americans spent the previous eleven months

Nation's Families Agree Christmas Is Wonderful As Soon As Everyone Leaves ATLANTA — Families across the country reached a rare consensus late Christmas evening, unanimously agreeing that Christmas is, in fact,

Experts Confirm Christmas Day Joy Peaks Briefly When No One Is Talking BOSTON — New research confirms that Christmas Day joy reaches its absolute peak during rare, fleeting moments when no

Jesus Continues Losing Birthday to Inflatable Snowman Competition Commercialization of Christmas Blatant and Unapologetic! PHILADELPHIA — Despite centuries of precedence, reports indicate that Jesus continues to be overshadowed by inflatable snowmen, reindeer,

Christmas Dinner Declared Success After Only Two People Storm Out ATLANTA — Local authorities declared a family's Christmas dinner "successful" after only two members stormed out, setting a new standard for

Christmas Spirit Goes Missing After Shopper's 14th Target Visit MINNEAPOLIS — Authorities issued a missing persons alert Tuesday for the Christmas spirit, last seen wandering the seasonal aisle before vanishing somewhere

Holiday Cheer Peaks Briefly Before Collapsing During Group Photo NEW YORK — Families nationwide report a familiar pattern: holiday cheer hits its apex during Christmas dinner, only to immediately collapse during

HR Study Concludes Santa Claus Would Face Immediate Termination NORTH POLE — A comprehensive workplace study released this week concluded that Santa Claus would not survive a modern human resources department,

Americans Confirm Christmas Magic While Engaging in Mall Parking Combat WASHINGTON — In a rare show of bipartisan unity, Americans across all regions, ideologies, and income brackets confirmed Monday that Christmas

Parents Undermine Year of Gratitude Teaching with Single Gift Receipt DENVER — Researchers studying parental behavior have identified a bizarre annual cycle: parents spend 12 months cultivating gratitude in their children,

Christmas Day Declared "Magical" Despite Clear Evidence Everyone Is Tired and Slightly Annoyed CHICAGO — Christmas Day was officially declared "magical" once again this year, despite mounting visual evidence that every