Motto: “Swipe Right, Never Apologize”
Trump Launches “Sorry-Free” Dating App for Alpha Patriots Only
Motto: “Swipe Right, Never Apologize”
PALM BEACH, FL — In his most romantic business venture yet, Donald Trump has officially launched “AlphaMatch,” the world’s first dating app for those who’ve never apologized and never intend to — especially in relationships.
“The problem with love today? Too many apologies, not enough bragging,” Trump explained. “My app fixes that. We reward confidence and punish emotional self-awareness.”
AlphaMatch profiles feature three sections: Flexes, Denials, and Favorite Speeches. Profile pics are filtered for maximum jawline and minimal empathy.
The onboarding quiz includes questions like “Would you rather: A) Say sorry, or B) Challenge them to a debate you won’t finish?”
Matches are encouraged to exchange gifts such as signed copies of *The Art of the Deal*, expired Trump Steaks, and framed photos of themselves not texting back.
Melania reportedly reviewed the female onboarding questions, which include: “Do you like men who never apologize?” and “Are you okay with being talked over during dinner?”
First dates are hosted at Trump Grill, where saying “I’m sorry” gets you charged a 30% Weakness Fee.
Relationship milestones include “First Mutual Denial,” “First Joint Lawsuit,” and “Official Gaslighting Anniversary.”
Trump’s final endorsement: “If you’re the type who apologizes after ghosting someone, this app isn’t for you. If you think ghosting is strength? Welcome to AlphaMatch.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
