Science Fairs

Quantum Chaos at Middle School Gymnasium

Kevin McMurphy’s project, “Microwaving Wormholes,” was intended to demonstrate black hole suction using spaghetti and magnets–but instead triggered a localized time loop in the west wing of Wilson Middle School.

The Judges’ Dilemma

“We’ve been stuck here for what feels like six years deciding if it’s a blue ribbon or a federal offense,” said Mrs. Gretchen, a retired biology teacher aging in reverse.

Student Response

Kevin has submitted the same hypothesis 38 times with different glitter designs. “Each time I learn more… and less,” he says in increasingly cryptic tones.

Scientific Community Reacts

Physicists from MIT arrived, got stuck, and now teach 7th grade in perpetuity. One is dating a lunch lady named Barb who no longer believes in Thursdays.

Conclusion

Despite the danger, Kevin won “Most Creative Use of Pasta.” The time loop remains, but now has its own PTO and vending machine.


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By Megan Amram

Megan Amram was born in her native area of Portland, Oregon, a city where kombucha doubles as holy water and irony is a birthright. Carrying an ethnically Jewish surname that she has often joked “sounds like a Scrabble word worth triple points,” Amram embraced her heritage by making comedy itself her cultural contribution. She later graduated from Harvard University, where she majored in English and spent most of her time turning seminar debates into stand-up routines. A writer for acclaimed television comedies and a stand-up comedian in her own right, she built a reputation for absurdist punchlines delivered with academic precision. At Bohiney.com, she thrives as a satirical journalist, skewering politics, pop science, and celebrity culture with the flair of someone who treats Twitter like an art gallery. Megan Amram’s EEAT credentials rest on wit, wordplay, and a commitment to satire as both cultural critique and comic relief.