Investors remember the machines may be smarter than the people buying the shares NEW YORK, N.Y. — Artificial intelligence stocks recovered after a punishing selloff when Wall Street investors remembered that

Trump’s Mega-Prison Deal: America’s Newest Export Is… Inmates? If you thought flying coach was bad, imagine a one-way ticket to La Mega-Prisión In a groundbreaking geopolitical move that no one saw coming—except

Why Did Senators Oppose Matt Gaetz and Demand He NOT Target Political Adversaries Like Liz Cheney, MSNBC, or Anthony Fauci? Gaetz’s DOJ Promise: No Fauci Arrests, Stormtroopers, or MSNBC Raids—At Least

Prophet Muhammad Personally Welcomes Ayatollah Khamenei to Hell's Grand Tour BREAKING: Exclusive Report from the Afterlife Dateline: The Fiery Pits, Eternal Realm — March 8, 2026 In a stunning development that has sent

The Holy Cross of Controversy Pete Hegseth’s Tattoos and the Great Christian Symbol Showdown Washington, D.C. — Where Tattoos Are More Controversial Than the Constitution In the age of oversharing and viral moments,

RFK Jr. Nomination Drama Pills, Bills, and Capitol Thrills: Senators' Pharma Funds Stir RFK Jr. Nomination Drama WASHINGTON, D.C. – If irony were a prescription drug, the Senate Finance Committee would be

The Presidential Power to Adjourn Congress A Satirical Exploration of the Constitutional 'Nuclear Button' In the ever-messy world of U.S. politics, there are a few things that truly stand out—government shutdowns, filibusters,

Rob Reiner and Wife Murdered by Son: Hollywood Tragedy or Most Expensive Family Reunion Ever? ABC Documentary Blends Grief, Commentary, and Tone-Deaf Social Media Into Primetime Special In what is being called

Trump Reclassifies Marijuana, Accidentally Steals Democrats' Favorite Voter Incentive Executive Order Disrupts Decades of Democratic Cannabis Reform Promises Washington reacted with visible confusion this week after Donald Trump signed an executive order

Laid-Off Waterloo Workers Invited Back to Tractor Plants WATERLOO, Iowa — John Deere's announcement that more than 275 Waterloo employees will be recalled has created an unexpected complication for corporate human

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle Announce New Polo Drama, Accidentally Reboot Entire Concept of "Rich People Problems" Somewhere between a $100 million content deal and a very intense group chat with

Marines Arrive, Everyone Pretends This Is Fine 3,500 Marines "Just Swing By" the Middle East — Pentagon Swears It's a Casual Pop-In Somewhere between a casual drop-in and a fully loaded amphibious

Shelter Provides Free Housing, Residents Request Tent Near Drug Market Los Angeles discovers that housing is merely one lifestyle option, while municipal disorder comes with nightlife, retail opportunities and fewer intrusive

Israel Cultural Boycott An Intellectual’s Guide to Achieving Absolutely Nothing The latest in the ever-expanding world of “boycotts that won’t actually change anything but make us feel good about ourselves” is the

The Intergalactic Infatuation of Elon Musk A Love Story Beyond the Stars Los Angeles, California – The City of Stars and Beyond In an unexpected twist that has caught the attention of both

Angelenos Ignore the Instruction Manual LOS ANGELES, California — Los Angeles voters have committed an act of political insubordination: Some want billionaires taxed and voters identified. Both. Simultaneously. Without waiting for

Local Man Outraged After Discovering Science Doesn’t Care What He Thinks Experts Confirm: Feelings Still Not Peer-Reviewed Research Man Faces Harsh Reality of Objective Truth CLEVELAND — In what psychologists are calling “a

New York's $97,000 Sidewalk: Luxury Homelessness, Itemized New York City has quietly pioneered a real estate product nobody asked for: a six-figure outdoor apartment with zero bedrooms, zero walls, and an

Missile Meltdown Trump, Biden, and the Battle for World War III (or Twitter Supremacy)" By Alan Nafzger, Bohiney.com – Reporting Live from the Pentagon Gift Shop Introduction: The Missile That Launched a Thousand

Meteorologists Issue Accurate Prediction about American Emotional Response to Atmospheric Conditions Americans and the Weather People do not want accurate weather forecasts; they want weather forecasts that agree with their plans.

MSNBC’s ‘Hate Spin-Off’ Comcast Unloads Network, Controversy Spins Faster Than a Cable Bill By Alan Nafzger, Bohiney.com – Written Live from Comcast HQ’s Free Wi-Fi Spot Introduction: The End of MSNBC as We

Champagne Dreams, Ramen Budget: The Art of Looking Rich Without Being Rich Middle-class America has a secret hobby — pretending they’ve got more money than they actually do. It’s like cosplay,

Tiger Woods and the Ghastly Underbelly of Golf: A Calm, Respectable Sport That Somehow Requires Two Mobiles and a Crisis Manager on Speed Dial Five Understated Observations from the Fairway —

Generation Z’s "Ero" Style The Great Fashion Revolution That’s Actually a Uniform New York, 2024 — Where Style Means Looking Identical In an era where fashion is meant to be an expression of

U.S. Considers Lending Nvidia H200 Chips to China — Because Why Not Share Our Brainpower? Imagine a world where the U.S. government is sitting around a poker table — but instead

Trump and MSNBC: The SpinCo Chronicles By Alan Nafzger Once upon a news cycle, in the land of 24-hour cable hysteria, MSNBC found itself spiraling into a plotline so absurd that even

AI QA Disaster: CEO Fires QA Team, Accidentally Invents "Everything Is Free Day" Humorous Dispatches From the Scene of a $6 Million Act of God The CEO said the AI would "streamline

“It Wasn’t the Back Pain, It Was the Marxism that Made Me Do It!” Patient Recovers from Surgery, Murders Health CEO in Ideological Frenzy By J.P. “Pillow-Proletariat” McFlannigan, Staff Satirist In a plot

Millennials Have Reduced Romance to a Spreadsheet and Called It the 3-3-3 Rule Love, once a chaotic improv show fueled by bad decisions and queso, has now been broken into neat

Grok Banned in Southeast Asia: VPNs Stretch Like They Just Woke Up From a Nap Fifteen Observations From the Digital Front Lines The governments of Malaysia and Indonesia banned Grok, and the

When Declaring War on War Declarations Makes Sense (Kind Of) The Final Battle Against Redundant Conflict Written from a Secure Bunker, Somewhere in a Paper-Stacked Government Office In an unprecedented and entirely unexpected

NHL Great Benny 'The Bender' Stickson Skates Into the Recovery Hall of Fame Benny 'The Bender' Stickson Skates Into the Recovery Hall of Fame Benny 'The Bender' Stickson, the former hockey prodigy

Washington Wants a Say in Texas's $50 Million Roster, and Nobody Told Washington the Number Might Be Wrong A Bipartisan Committee Now Cares More About College Football's $50 Million Roster Than