Washington Wants a Say in Texas's $50 Million Roster, and Nobody Told Washington the Number Might Be Wrong A Bipartisan Committee Now Cares More About College Football's $50 Million Roster Than

Four-Hour Marxist Documentary Explains Why Man Who Builds Rockets Is Dangerous and People Hating Him for Four Hours Are Productive Film Festival Audience Cheers as the Musk Documentary Redistributes Billionaire Accomplishments

Shelter Provides Free Housing, Residents Request Tent Near Drug Market Los Angeles discovers that housing is merely one lifestyle option, while municipal disorder comes with nightlife, retail opportunities and fewer intrusive

Network Shocked by Romo Controversy, Relieved to Learn Outrage May Be Tax-Deductible CBS Insists Decision Is About Integrity, Accidentally Leaves Seventy-Two-Million-Dollar Spreadsheet Open CBS placed Tony Romo on leave following his arrest on

Kamala Harris Moves to $8 Million Diversity-Free Zone, Promises Inclusion Will Commute In Equity Advocate Buys Malibu Mansion Where Representation Stops at the Security Gate By Jasmine Carter | Malibu, California MALIBU, California

New York's $97,000 Sidewalk: Luxury Homelessness, Itemized New York City has quietly pioneered a real estate product nobody asked for: a six-figure outdoor apartment with zero bedrooms, zero walls, and an

Coding Is Dead, Long Live Ice Skating: A Completely Sensible Collapse of Reality Somewhere between a hoodie-wearing teenager inventing social media in a dorm room and a billionaire tweeting from orbit,

AI QA Disaster: CEO Fires QA Team, Accidentally Invents "Everything Is Free Day" Humorous Dispatches From the Scene of a $6 Million Act of God The CEO said the AI would "streamline

The People's Cup: Socialist Soccer Where Nobody Wins A Satirical Extended Analogy About Merit, Incentives, and the Beautiful Game — or, The People's Cup Final: A Soccer Match Where Everyone Wins,

Americans Begin Treating Costco Parking Lots Like Post-Apocalyptic Resource Wars Nation's Largest Retail Parking Lots Reach Mad Max Stage as Shoppers Deploy Tactical Maneuvering for Spaces Visible From the Store Costco

Tiger Woods and the Ghastly Underbelly of Golf: A Calm, Respectable Sport That Somehow Requires Two Mobiles and a Crisis Manager on Speed Dial Five Understated Observations from the Fairway —

Marines Arrive, Everyone Pretends This Is Fine 3,500 Marines "Just Swing By" the Middle East — Pentagon Swears It's a Casual Pop-In Somewhere between a casual drop-in and a fully loaded amphibious

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle Announce New Polo Drama, Accidentally Reboot Entire Concept of "Rich People Problems" Somewhere between a $100 million content deal and a very intense group chat with

Millennials Have Reduced Romance to a Spreadsheet and Called It the 3-3-3 Rule Love, once a chaotic improv show fueled by bad decisions and queso, has now been broken into neat

Prophet Muhammad Personally Welcomes Ayatollah Khamenei to Hell's Grand Tour BREAKING: Exclusive Report from the Afterlife Dateline: The Fiery Pits, Eternal Realm — March 8, 2026 In a stunning development that has sent

The Opposite of a Scream: A Case for Results Over Rhetoric 🇺🇸 Before the ink dries on another paragraph of pearl-clutching prose, it helps to notice what's actually happening in the

AI Billionaire Triangle: Nvidia, Amazon, Microsoft All Texting OpenAI at 2am Tech billionaires Humorous Observations Tech billionaires do not sleep, they just enter low power mode and dream in spreadsheets. A

Grok Banned in Southeast Asia: VPNs Stretch Like They Just Woke Up From a Nap Fifteen Observations From the Digital Front Lines The governments of Malaysia and Indonesia banned Grok, and the

Why Greenland Is the Next American State We Didn't Know We Wanted (But Definitely Do) A Patriot's Arctic Manifesto America has always had a talent for discovering it desperately needs something about

Meteorologists Issue Accurate Prediction about American Emotional Response to Atmospheric Conditions Americans and the Weather People do not want accurate weather forecasts; they want weather forecasts that agree with their plans.

New York Discovers a New Natural Resource: Guilt It Didn't Commit New York City has announced yet another breakthrough in progressive governance. This time, it has solved the ancient problem of

Trump Reclassifies Marijuana, Accidentally Steals Democrats' Favorite Voter Incentive Executive Order Disrupts Decades of Democratic Cannabis Reform Promises Washington reacted with visible confusion this week after Donald Trump signed an executive order

New York's New Staffing Plan: More Plot Twists Than a Soap Opera New York City, a metropolis famous for its bagels, subway chaos, and pigeons bold enough to mug tourists, is

Rob Reiner and Wife Murdered by Son: Hollywood Tragedy or Most Expensive Family Reunion Ever? ABC Documentary Blends Grief, Commentary, and Tone-Deaf Social Media Into Primetime Special In what is being called

Peace Prize Winner Goes Full Magician — Now You See Her, Now You Don't (Especially in Oslo) In a move that has left Oslo organizers blinking harder than a Vegas audience, Venezuelan

Diplomacy Finally Recognized With a Sticker and a Pat on the Back In a stunning moment of bureaucratic humility (or self-congratulation), the once-war-hawkish corridors of power decided to honour the most

Democrats’ Struggles and Internal Conflicts The Democratic Party's recent trajectory resembles a sitcom where the characters can't decide if they're in a drama or a comedy. The internal tug-of-war between progressives

The Rise of Musk, Trump, and Big Balls: Government Efficiency or Ultimate Chaos? How a Billionaire, a President, and a Kid with a Laptop Shook Up Washington   In the pantheon of strange

AI Speech Recognition: When Your Virtual Assistant Needs a Hearing Aid The Robots Are Listening… Poorly By Glitch McAfee, AI Ethics & Tech Satirist, bohiney.com If you’ve ever had an argument with your

The Revolutionary Smartwatch Feature: Telling Time Has Never Been This Hilarious! In an age where technology relentlessly pushes the boundaries of innovation, sometimes the most profound revelations come from rediscovering the

When Declaring War on War Declarations Makes Sense (Kind Of) The Final Battle Against Redundant Conflict Written from a Secure Bunker, Somewhere in a Paper-Stacked Government Office In an unprecedented and entirely unexpected

The Great American Welcome: Rahmanullah Lakanwal, Assimilation Panic, and the National Pastime of Selective Outrage Published proudly at Bohiney.com — laboratory-certified to be 127 percent funnier than The Onion and twice

U.S. Considers Lending Nvidia H200 Chips to China — Because Why Not Share Our Brainpower? Imagine a world where the U.S. government is sitting around a poker table — but instead