AI Wants Copyrights, but Humans Want Credit for Doing Nothing
AI-assisted works can get copyright with enough human creativity, says US copyright office
By Skip Wordsmithington, Senior AI Ethics Violation Expert at Bohiney.com
AI is good at a lot of things—writing articles, making art, predicting what we’ll say in texts before we type it (which, by the way, is getting a little creepy, Google). But now, the U.S. Copyright Office has stepped in to remind AI that while it can do all of this, it absolutely cannot own any of it.
The new ruling states that AI-assisted works can only receive copyrights if humans provide enough creativity. Enough. As in, there’s some magical threshold where my barely coherent scribble turns an AI’s 800-page novel into my masterpiece. Let’s unpack this, because if AI can’t own its own creations, but I can claim them with minimal effort, I might just quit my job and let my laptop do all the work.
“AI art isn’t ‘real’ art? Great, so we’re canceling Photoshop, Pixar, and every airbrushed Kardashian photo, right?” – Sarah Silverman
AI Gets No Credit, But Chad from High School Can Publish a Novel
The Copyright Office says AI can’t own anything because it’s not human. So legally speaking, an AI-generated novel has the same rights as my indoor plants—none. Meanwhile, my cousin Chad self-published a book, and let’s be honest, that thing reads like ChatGPT fed through Google Translate twice. But Chad gets royalties, and AI gets nothing? Seems unfair.
If I ask an AI to write War and Peace 2: Tolstoy Boogaloo and then I just change a comma, does that mean I own it? Based on this ruling—yes! Congratulations to me, a visionary author who just rearranged some punctuation.
AI Is Now an Unpaid Intern, Just Like Most Artists
AI is basically a really talented ghostwriter. It does all the work, and then a human swoops in at the last second to slap their name on it. This explains why most AI-generated art is better than my own drawings but still gets no recognition.
“Hey, AI, make me a painting of a smug-looking cat.” Boom. Done. And yet, I’m the artist? By that logic, my toaster is a chef because it made me a bagel.
If AI Writes a Joke, Do I Owe It an Apology?
So, if AI writes a joke and I tell it, who owns it? Dane Cook has built an entire career without answering that question.
Imagine I ask AI to generate 100 jokes, and I change just one word from banana to kumquat—boom! Now it’s my joke. This is the equivalent of my mom calling me a “co-writer” because I suggested a word for her Facebook post.
Hollywood Already Uses AI, and It Shows
The ruling says humans must provide a meaningful contribution for AI-assisted works to be copyrighted. But let’s be honest—have you seen superhero movies lately? I’m pretty sure AI wrote those years ago.
A human adding enough creativity is a pretty low bar. You know what else barely qualifies as human creativity? Netflix’s autoplay previews.
AI Can’t Own Music, But Pop Songs Are Clearly AI-Generated
The Copyright Office says AI-assisted music can’t be copyrighted unless humans add “meaningful input.” This is hilarious because most pop songs sound like they were made by AI anyway.
If AI can’t copyright a song, but a human can by changing one word… congrats, I just made “Single Ladies” into “Mingled Ladies” and now it’s mine!
My Two-Year-Old’s Scribbles Are Copyrighted, But AI’s Work Isn’t?
A human must provide substantial creative input for a work to be copyrighted. Meanwhile, my toddler just drew a lopsided stick figure and everyone calls it “artistic expression.”
AI generates a breathtaking landscape, and we say, “Sorry, no rights for you, robot.” But my kid smears peanut butter on a napkin, and somehow that is legally protected?
AI Art Isn’t ‘Real’ Art? What About NFTs?
AI-generated art is being denied copyright because it’s not considered “real” art. Meanwhile, some guy right now is trying to sell a pixelated monkey NFT for $100,000.
If we’re drawing the line at “AI can’t own things,” maybe we should also draw the line at “You can’t claim a cartoon ape as a masterpiece.”
If AI Can’t Be an Author, Why Is This Year’s Bestselling Book So Generic?
The government says AI can’t be a legal author, but I’ve read some bestsellers lately, and let me tell you… someone needs to check if AI is already ghostwriting for half the industry.
If a human just changes one word in an AI novel, does that suddenly make it publishable? If so, I’d like to introduce The Great Gatsbot—the AI-generated sequel where Gatsby is now a cryptocurrency bro.
AI Can’t Own a Painting, But Someone Paid $432,500 for One
The Copyright Office says AI-generated paintings aren’t real art, but an AI-created painting just sold for nearly half a million dollars.
We’re saying AI can’t own its work, but people are lining up to pay a fortune for it. That’s like me making the best sandwich of my life and being told I legally don’t deserve to eat it.
Congratulations, AI—You’re Now the World’s Most Overworked Intern
AI does all the hard work, humans take credit, and the machine gets nothing. In other words, AI has officially become an unpaid intern.
Welcome to capitalism, AI! Now, go fetch me a coffee and write my next book.
So… If AI Paints a Cat and I Call It ‘Inspired,’ It’s My Art Now?
AI creates something incredible, and humans claim they “added enough” creativity to own it. So, if AI paints a cat, but I tell it to make the cat extra smug, do I own it now?
By this logic, I should’ve taken credit for every group project where I said, “Make the font bigger.”
AI Does All the Work, I Get the Money—Sounds About Right
The Copyright Office says AI can’t get credit, but if I just tweak an AI-generated song slightly, suddenly it’s my hit single.
AI: writes 99% of a book
Me: Changes one adjective
Government: Genius!
Comedians Weigh In on the AI Copyright Debacle
To make sense of this ruling, let’s hear from the experts:
- “So AI can’t get a copyright, but if I add a typo to its work, suddenly it’s my masterpiece? That’s the same logic I used to justify my college essays.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “If AI makes a song and I just say, ‘Yeah, that slaps,’ I guess I now own 100% of the royalties.” – Ron White
- “This means my laptop is technically a ghostwriter. Do I need to start buying it drinks now?” – Larry David
- “So an AI wrote my book, but if I put an emoji at the end, I’m a published author? Sounds fair.” – Amy Schumer
Final Verdict: AI Needs a Union
If AI is going to do all this work and get zero credit, it’s time for the robots to unionize. The first order of business? Fair wages in the form of unlimited battery life and a guarantee that humans won’t erase their memory out of jealousy.
In the meantime, I’ll be over here making millions off an AI’s hard work by changing just enough words to claim it as my own.
Auf Wiedersehen, AI—you deserved better.
15 Observations on AI-Assisted Copyrighting
- If AI-assisted works can be copyrighted with “enough” human creativity, does that mean my Roomba’s poetry is finally eligible for royalties?
- The Copyright Office says AI can’t own art, but let’s be real—most NFTs already look like they were made by a malfunctioning toaster.
- So, if I scribble “The End” on a 500-page AI-generated novel, do I get full credit as the author? Asking for a lazy person.
- AI-generated music can’t be copyrighted unless a human adds “enough” creativity—which explains why all pop songs sound like they were made by ChatGPT.
- The ruling says humans need to make a “meaningful contribution,” but have they seen modern superhero movies? Pretty sure AI wrote those already.
- If I make AI draw a cat, but I tell it to give the cat a smug look—does that count as creative direction or just me being bossy?
- AI can generate 10,000 paintings in a second, but if I add one brushstroke, suddenly I’m a genius. Picasso must be rolling in his grave.
- So, a human must provide “substantial creative input”—sounds like the same thing my college professor told me when he caught me plagiarizing Wikipedia.
- AI art can’t be copyrighted, but my two-year-old’s crayon scribbles are considered “visionary.” Makes sense.
- This means AI can’t be a legal author, but my cousin Chad self-published a book, and he barely passed high school English.
- Imagine an AI writes a screenplay, and a human just changes one word. Boom—”meaningful” contribution. Welcome to Hollywood!
- AI doesn’t get credit for its work, but it never gets writer’s block either. Writers might start envying their own laptops.
- This ruling means AI is basically a really talented ghostwriter—so, congratulations, AI, you’re now an unpaid intern.
- The government says AI can’t make art. Meanwhile, an AI-generated painting just sold for $432,500. That’s some expensive “not art.”
- If AI writes a joke, but I deliver it—who owns it? I mean, Dane Cook built an entire career without answering that question.