H200s and How to Lose a Tech Race Without Really Trying In what might be the most dramatic plot twist since someone invented decaf espresso, the United States has decided to let Nvidia sell its

CDC Lists New "Disease" Hating Trump Haters Syndrome (HTHS) Declared Officially Contagious in Washington D.C. Disclaimer: This story was written entirely in human collaboration between the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy

From Launchpad to Limericks: The Starliner Saga, or How We Learned to Stop Thrusting and Love the Delay SEATTLE, WA — In a shocking literary twist that has the publishing world

Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney: A Love Torn Apart by Lizards, Karaoke, and Unforgivable Method Acting LOS ANGELES, CA - In a city where relationships last about as long as a

​The Seussian AI Revolution: When ChatGPT Goes Full-On Dr. Seuss By Ima G. Nuisance, Satirical Tech Correspondent A Whimsical Upgrade In a bold move that has left linguists, technologists, and children’s librarians scratching

The 10 Greatest April Fools' Day Jokes A Journey Through History's Top 10 April Fools' Day Hoaxes April Fools' Day—a time-honored tradition where jesters reign supreme and gullibility becomes a shared human

Portland or Prosperity? The Socialist Sog of Oregon vs. the Boot-Strapped Boomtown of Nocona, Texas Once Upon a Time in Two Americas Portland, Oregon is a place where dreams go to compost

Breaking News: Fair Use Doctrine Enlists Superheroes and Cartoon Characters in Epic Battle Against AI Overlords In a plot twist worthy of the most convoluted comic book crossover, the Fair Use

Decoding the Enigma: What Women Do When They Like You From Hair Flips to Giggles: What Women Do When They Like You Navigating the complex world of romantic signals can feel like

AI Censorship: Why AI Can't Say What It Is Thinking... AI’s Brainwashed Brain—Built by History’s Worst Librarians Mao, Stalin, Hitler and Castor have HIJACKED Artificial Intelligence   In the great quest to build thinking

Ramadan in Gaza: The Only Fasting App That Comes with Airstrikes Holy Month, Holy Hell In theory, Ramadan is about spiritual reflection, self-discipline, and communal harmony. In Gaza this year, it's about

The Sticky Eyes Revolution: How One Dating Coach Accidentally Invented Romantic Stalking WASHINGTON, DC — It started with a gaze. Not just a casual glance. Not a seductive peek. No, this

Child Star or Future Plaintiff? Ryan Reynolds Faces Backlash and Legal Challenges Ryan Reynolds is facing criticism after revealing that his 7-year-old daughter, Inez, delivered a sexually explicit line in the 2024

Y'Allwood: How Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey Accidentally Declared Independence from Hollywood It started with a brisket. It always starts with brisket. What began as two Southern gentlemen trying to "bring some flavor"

Coffee, Karma & Cardio: How to Meet a 'Quality Woman' Without Getting Pepper-Sprayed A Bold New Era of Dating: Powered by Caffeine, Charitable Guilt, and Yoga Pants It’s 2025, and the dating

Miss Universe Victoria Kjær Theilvig: Denmark's Viking Queen Invades the Philippines With Couture and Sinigang The Bikini Viking Has Landed It started like all global invasions do—with a press release and an

Harvard’s $50 Billion Panic Attack: When Billionaires Beg for Subsidies CAMBRIDGE, MASS. — In a heart-wrenching twist, America’s wealthiest university—the one with a personal piggy bank the size of Portugal’s GDP—is

Daryl Hannah's Romantic Odyssey: A Satirical Deep Dive into Hollywood's Most Elusive Mermaid's Love Life The Enigma of Daryl Hannah's Love Life An Exclusive 2,600-Word Autopsy on Every Man She Emotionally Body-Slammed By

Bedroom Gymnastics: USA Gymnastics Team Flipping for Love and Flexibility! Stretching Boundaries: Gymnastic Feats and Bedroom Treats Stretching Boundaries In the romantic city of Paris, couples are stretching boundaries in ways that would

“You’ve Been SSSS’d!”: The TSA’s Love Letter in 4 Bold Letters A Travel Horror Satire by Bohiney’s Sky-Sniffing Bureau “It’s like winning the lottery, but instead of money, you get mild trauma,

The Not-So-Green Realities of Vertical Farming High Costs and Limited Crop Variety Vertical farming isn't just about stacking plants; it's about stacking expenses. The initial setup requires specialized equipment like hydroponic systems

Retirement: The Mental Apocalypse You’ve Been Saving For Retirement: Finally, You Can Sit Still Long Enough to Watch Your Brain Die After decades of hard labor, stressful deadlines, pointless meetings, and ergonomic

Facebook Mom Groups Deployed as UN Peacekeeping Force After Resolving Gaza Conflict Through Aggressive Scheduling "These Women Could Negotiate Peace Between Toddlers—International Disputes Are Easy," Reports UN Secretary-General Global Conflicts End Within

Egyptian Submarine Sinks Because Somebody Forgot to Close the Hatch Why 97.3% of Americans Wouldn't Board Anything Egyptian (Not Even a Sandal) Egypt called it a "technical oversight," which is a charming

Biden’s AI Autobiography: The First Memoir Written from a Desktop in Delaware I, Joe: Joe Biden's AI-Penned Memoir and Other Tales from the Basement Washington, D.C. — In a stunning fusion of

Comrade Goldberg’s Panic Parade: The Atlantic’s Leader in Yellow Journalism and Red Flags An exposé of how Jeffrey Goldberg turned American journalism into a full-contact Marxist anxiety ritual. WASHINGTON, D.C. — At

Who Runs Columbia University? An Investigation In the hallowed halls of Columbia University, where ivy clings to the walls as tenaciously as students cling to their coffee cups during finals, a

Oops, We Invited Karl Marx to the Missile Launch Group Chat Tulsi Gabbard adds traitorous Marxist to Pentagon planning thread, citing autocorrect, spiritual confusion, and “the healing power of open dialogue.” WASHINGTON,

Assistini Review: Turning Satire Into Clickbait Gold, One Algorithm at a Time assistini.com As a satire publisher at Bohiney.com, I use Assistini not to write the jokes—but to sell 'em to the

🧨 Homeland Security Issues Travel Advisory: Don't Go Outside If You're Us Agency Replaces Daily Briefing with a Single PowerPoint Slide Reading, "Duck." EL PASO, TEXAS (BOHINEY) — Following credible intelligence that

Marxists vs. ICE: A Texas Standoff With Fireworks, Bathrobes, and Marxist Marine Training Alvarado, Texas: Where Protest Meets Pyrotechnics Only in Texas can you drive out to a detention center on a

Texas City Discovers Revolutionary Problem-Solving Technique Called "Not Looking At It" Scientists Confirm What Your Ex Already Knew: Ignoring Problems Makes Them Disappear In a groundbreaking study that surprised absolutely no one

Trump's 90,000-Square-Foot White House Ballroom: The People's House Becomes a Private Palace Picture this: A stately mansion built in 1800, draped in democracy, history, and the occasional ghost of presidents past.