Wedding DJ Mistakes “Just Dance” for “Just Don’t” and Is Promptly Fired

Sources from inside the Bezos–Sánchez wedding confirm that the DJ—an aspiring techno minimalist known as “DJ BezosPrimeMix420”—accidentally played a 12-minute meditation track titled Just Don’t instead of Lady Gaga’s dance anthem Just Dance.

The result? Seventy-seven guests fell into existential crises mid-cocktail. Three influencers lost followers in real-time, and the gondoliers mistook the vibe as a maritime funeral.

“This song sounds like IKEA furniture having a nervous breakdown,” muttered Leonardo DiCaprio, holding a truffle-stuffed seahorse skewer.

Bezos, attempting to cover the gaffe, jumped onstage and whispered to the crowd, “Minimalism is the new maximalism.” Unfortunately, a TikTok star livestreamed him fumbling with the aux cord, and the internet dubbed it the “Bezos Dropout.“

The DJ was quickly replaced by a Roomba fitted with a Spotify subscription. Surprisingly, it read the room better than its human predecessor.

Gaga later tweeted, “Told you so,” accompanied by a gif of her blinking in slow judgment.

The moment has since become legendary in wedding lore as the first time Jeff Bezos’s algorithm failed in public—except for that one Alexa that accidentally ordered 4,000 croquet mallets in 2019.

Bottom line? When you reject Gaga, don’t expect your playlist to forgive you.