Weird Open Mic Poetry
“He Spoke of Burnt Bread and We All Questioned Reality.”
The Cozy Bean Café’s weekly open mic poetry night took an unexpected turn after local poet Basil Fenwick performed a five-minute piece titled “Crumb Catcher of the Soul,” a free-verse exploration of a toaster’s internal despair. Witnesses say the performance caused multiple emotional breakdowns and one spontaneous interpretive dance seizure.
“He whispered, ‘I am four slots wide, but I am empty inside,'” said barista Fiona. “Someone in the back screamed and spilled their kombucha.”
The poem, delivered in near-silence except for occasional bread-crumb sprinkling, featured lines like “I warm, therefore I am,” and “The bagel setting mocks me.” Audience members were asked to imagine being unbuttered forever.
First responders were called when an audience member attempted to crawl into the pastry display and “become a croissant of empathy.”
Basil insists he wasn’t trying to cause distress. “I simply channel the grief of domestic appliances,” he said, while polishing a panini press and sighing deeply.
Management has temporarily suspended open mic night pending a review of all submissions for “emotional combustibility.”
Meanwhile, Basil has been invited to perform at a local performance art festival in a converted laundromat. His new piece? “Spin Cycle of Shame.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
