Soviet Ghost Tells Mamdani: “Please Stop. You’re Embarrassing Us.”

In an unexpected séance held in the basement of City Hall, a spectral figure identifying as “Comrade Anatoly, Former Chairman of Soviet Ghost Housing Bureau” appeared and issued a public plea to Zohran Mamdani.

“Please,” the ghost moaned in heavy-accented English, “stop this madness. You’re embarrassing the entire socialist afterlife.”

Mamdani, surrounded by lit candles and burning landlord contracts, attempted to explain his rent freeze, free MTA, and public internet proposals. “It’s democratic socialism,” he insisted. The ghost sighed: “We called it that too. Then the bread disappeared.”

The ghost, clad in translucent Lenin pajamas, listed off failures eerily familiar to New Yorkers: unheated buildings, food shortages, and revolutionaries who forgot how to budget. “You are not innovating, Zohran. You are cosplaying failure.”

Attendees described the spirit as disappointed but oddly polite. “He offered me a ghost turnip,” said Councilwoman Rivera.

Mamdani, unfazed, called the event “proof that intergenerational activism transcends life and death.”

The séance ended abruptly when the ghost floated through a co-op board meeting and screamed, “Same damn bureaucracy!”

Later that evening, Lenin’s bust in a Brooklyn bookstore reportedly shed one symbolic tear.

Even in death, the Soviets want nothing to do with rent-controlled vegan zoning boards.