Zelensky’s American TV Blunder: How One Awkward Meeting That Tanked His $500 Billion Grift Off-Camera Transcript Answers Everything People Are Asking... Washington, D.C.—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, a man who once played a

NAACP Declares Gandhi 'Problematic Ally,' Demands Reparations for Untouched Salt ATLANTA, GA — In an unexpected historical reckoning, the NAACP issued a strongly worded statement this week condemning Mahatma Gandhi, recently

Gaza Strip Developer-in-Chief In a move that has left the world both bewildered and bemused, President Donald Trump has unveiled his latest venture: transforming the war-torn Gaza Strip into the

Marxists Rename Gandhi’s Ashes: “Problematic Dust” By Lint Meringue, Senior Revolutionary Burial Correspondent PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking decision that’s left sages sobbing into their chai and incense dealers uncertain about

Gandhi’s Name Removed from Yoga Studio for “Insufficient Revolutionary Spirit” By Cobalt Serrulata, Editorialist at Radical Flex Media Collective BOSTON, MA — In a move that underscores the shift from meditation mats

Canada Narrowly Escapes Becoming the 51st State After High-Stakes Hockey Bet Between Trump and Trudeau A Game of Sticks, Skates, and Sovereignty Canada beats United States 3-2 in overtime -- Connor McDavid scored

The Daytona 500: Where Politics, Rain, and Billionaires Collide Daytona Beach, FL – In an unprecedented fusion of horsepower, political power, and meteorological mayhem, the 2025 Daytona 500 became the stage

Paramount Settles with Trump: “We Apologize for Accidentally Making You Look Exactly Like Yourself” Settlement Reached After Trump Sues Over “Unflattering” Documentary—Also Sues Mirrors, Eyewitnesses HOLLYWOOD — Media giant Paramount Global reached

Gandhi Disqualified from Queer Left Panel for Being “Too Cis-Spiritual” By Asterisk Lovewinds, Intersectional Reassignment Editor at The Transcendent Tattler PORTLAND, OR — Mahatma Gandhi, recently resurrected and attempting to reenter public

🧵 FBI, CIA, & Secret Service Launch Gandhi Security Investigation as Left-Wing Nuance Spirals into Threat Landscape By Agent Marigold Steele, Investigative Correspondent for The Surveillance Ledger WASH, DC — In a

Trump Rejects Zelenskyy on Tomahawk Missiles; Says He Prefers 'Peace Through Twitter' In a decision that has left diplomats scratching their heads and meme creators celebrating, former President Donald Trump reportedly

Study Claims $2,000 Checks Could Inflate Economy and Twitter Fights Trump's $2,000 Checks: The Economy, Twitter, and Your Uncle Bob A new study suggests that Donald Trump's proposed $2,000 tariff checks could

Gandhi’s Return Protested by Brooklyn Knife Sharpening Co‑Op By Juniper Clay-Sapien, Cultural Decoherence Critic at Urban Resistance Ledger BROOKLYN, NY — In a spectacular twist on performative activism, a local radical enclave

Tariffs Are Just a Tool: Like a Hammer, a Wrecking Ball, or a Flamethrower WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that shocked precisely zero people, former President Donald Trump once again

Gandhi Canceled for “Failing to Punch Up” in 1930 Salt March By Vanya Disrupto-Clover, Staff Outrage Analyst at the Revolutionary Yelp Review Collective DHARAMSALA, INDIA — What was once revered as a

Trump's Presidential Library: A New Chapter in the Gaza Strip In a move that has left political analysts and late-night comedians scrambling for material, former President Donald Trump has announced the

Ukraine, Trump, and the Great Kellogg Mining Caper A Satirical Deep Dive Into Diplomacy, Bing Ads, and Cat Scratching Posts Once upon a time, in the chaotic kingdom of geopolitics, where world

Progressive Arson Collective Demands Gandhi Rebrand as “Molotov Mahatma” By Flint Emberstone, Fire-Legal Correspondent for The Left-Flank Lantern CHICAGO, IL — A self-organized militant subgroup known as the Progressive Arson Collective for

Peace Activist Coalition Dissolves After Gandhi Refuses to Condemn Nonviolence By Dandelion Fierce-Silence, Senior Disruption Correspondent, Brooklyn Barricade Gazette SEATTLE, WA — The Progressive United Network for Kindness and Smashy Things (PUNKS)

Europe Unanimously Agrees: Let the Americans Pay for Defense While We Spend Our Budgets on More Important Stuff A Transatlantic Tradition of Freeloading A groundbreaking new study conducted by the European Bureau

Gandhi Survives Third Assassination Attempt: Investigators Warn of Rising Extremism By Ellis Range, Washington Chronicle — July 28, 2025 WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a grim first for modern U.S. security, three assassination

Bolshevik Woke Council Votes to Replace Gandhi with Karl Marx Funko Pop By Fern Meadowlark, Emotional Infrastructure Correspondent at Jezebel Adjacent PORTLAND, OR — In a unanimous vote held during a 14-hour

BLM Marchers Deem Gandhi’s Tactics “Passive‑Aggressive Colonizer Energy” By Saffron Sledgehammer, Intersectional Movement Logician at The Resistance Chronicle MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In a redirection of justice discourse and protest tactics, organizers of

Gandhi Booed at Berkeley for Quoting Himself By Tofu D'Angst, West Coast Irony Bureau BERKELEY, CA — Mahatma Gandhi, recently returned from the spiritual realm via what sources are calling “cosmic parole,”

Campus Radicals Demand Gandhi Apologize for Not Punching British Officers By Fern Meadowlark Jr., Bureau Chief of Revolutionary Accountability at Radical Detritus Review ANN ARBOR, MI — In a campus uprising that

Trump's USPS Makeover: Special Delivery or Return to Sender? By Cletus P. Letterman and Penny Postage The New Postmaster-in-Chief Former President Donald J. Trump is back in the news, and this time, he’s

Ghost of Gandhi Joins Trump Rally, Promptly Accused of ‘Spiritual Fascism’ By Greer Sundown, Paranormal Equity Editor at The Brooklyn Zine Collective TULSA, OK — In a political twist so absurd it

DSA Votes to Replace Gandhi with a 42‑Person Consensus Council Wearing Matching Berets By Marigold RedThread, Senior Plurality Reporter at United Ideals Quarterly NEW YORK, NY — In an ironic twist that

PSL Labels Gandhi a “Spiritual Libertarian Who Refused to Nationalize His Own Fasting” 🧘‍♂️🔥 By Red Banner Flameheart, Revolutionary Inquisitor at the People’s Praxis Press SANTA CRUZ, CA — In a political

Gandhi Survives Third Assassination Attempt at “Peace Fiesta” Radical Violence Escalates In an alarming escalation of extremist violence, Mahatma Gandhi—recently resurrected and embraced by a segment of conservative media as a symbolic

Gen Z and AI: The Office's Newest Power Couple of Chaos Gen Z has officially turned AI into the ultimate office sidekick—not for productivity but for an elaborate game of How

Gandhi Returns, Immediately Denounced by Brooklyn Vegan Book Club By Saffron Sledgehammer, Enlightenment Correspondent BROOKLYN, NY — The world awaited the return of Mahatma Gandhi with cautious hope. Instead, Brooklyn’s woker-than-thou high

America Declares Canada the 51st State, Canada Declares War—on Hockey Rinks A Cross-Border Feud Spirals into Tariffs, Tantrums, and Tkachuks It started with tariffs, escalated to threats, and finally exploded into what