Online Dating

“He Was Short, Hairy, and Always Panicked Around Acorns”

After six weeks of dating a man named “Todd,” recent divorcee Alicia Monroe began noticing red flags: he wouldn’t make eye contact, hoarded mixed nuts, and once ran up a tree during an argument. A gust of wind finally blew off his oversized coat to reveal not a man, but a highly coordinated squirrel trio.

“Honestly, they were more emotionally available than my ex,” Alicia admitted. “And better at texting.”

The squirrels, now local celebrities, have been signed by a talent agency specializing in woodland influencers. Their dating profile has been updated to say: “We’re looking for love, and maybe birdseed.”

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.


Online Dating - Woman Finds Out Boyfriend Is Actually Three Squirrels in a Trench Coat - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Online Dating - Woman Finds Out Boyfriend Is Actually Three Squirrels in a Trench Coat - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Online Dating – Woman Finds Out Boyfriend Is Actually Three Squirrels in a Trench Coat – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Online Dating - Woman Finds Out Boyfriend Is Actually Three Squirrels in a Trench Coat
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Online Dating
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Online Dating – Woman Finds Out Boyfriend Is Actually Three Squirrels in a Trench Coat

By Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter “Deep Brain” that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as “the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.” Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona’s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs. CONTACT: jack@handey.top