Post-Pandemic Awkwardness
“He Panicked. He Pressed the Emergency Call Button. Then He Curtsied.”
After three years of remote work, Charles Denby returned to his corporate office only to realize he’d forgotten how elevators, greetings, and pants with zippers function. Upon encountering his manager on the fifth floor, he greeted her with jazz hands and whispered, “I’m emotionally buffering.”
“I meant to say ‘hi,'” Charles explained. “But my social instincts rebooted mid-handwave.”
Witnesses say he also offered a foot bump and briefly attempted eye contact before hiding behind a ficus plant.
The elevator incident involved Charles pressing “close door” for 45 seconds while muttering affirmations. He was later seen exiting the stairwell, apologizing to the air.
HR has since introduced a “Reentry Reboot” program that includes hugging simulations, elevator etiquette flashcards, and a safe space to say “How are you?” without crying.
Charles is now working three days in-office and two from a blanket fort in his cubicle.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
