Terrible Roommates
“He Said It Was Aged Dairy. I Said It Was Biohazard Pudding.”
Graphic designer Mark Esteban thought his roommate Tyler was just forgetful–until he noticed the fridge filling up with curdled milk labeled with names like “June 2023, Earthy Notes” and “November Skim, Bold Undertones.”
“He told me I lacked culinary vision,” Mark said. “Then he offered me a shot glass of ‘experimental nog.'”
Tyler has taken to calling their fridge “The Dairy Vault” and gives weekly tastings during which he wears a cape and says things like “this one pairs well with quiet despair.”
Guests are warned to avoid anything labeled “secret stash” or “liquid legacy.”
After a minor gastrointestinal incident involving “Whole Milk 2022: Redemption,” Mark reported Tyler to the landlord, who laughed, then cried, then issued a formal warning.
Tyler now sells expired milk candles on Etsy under the brand name *Moojo.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
