Weird Celebrity Endorsements
“He Said It Cleansed His Gut and His Basement.”
B-list celebrity turned wellness guru Chase Vondrake recently announced his endorsement of *SpectrActive Yogurt*, a probiotic dairy blend he claims “clears your aura and sends restless spirits back to the astral plane.”
“I was being haunted by a Civil War trumpet ghost,” he said during a promotional livestream. “One spoonful of this peach blend and–poof!–he went toward the light.”
The yogurt includes “active spiritual cultures” and something called “ether calcium.” The label claims “it’s like an exorcism for your intestines.”
The FDA is investigating. Paranormal influencers are ecstatic. One ghost-hunting group posted a video of feeding yogurt to a haunted doll named Janice. She blinked.
Sales have tripled. Vondrake is developing a companion snack line: *Spectral Crackers: Taste the Afterlife.*
Ghosts could not be reached for comment but have started rearranging spoons in protest.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
