People Who Brag About Not Watching TV
“Never Seen an Episode”: The Prestige of Living Under a Cultural Rock
Congratulations, You’re Uninformed and Smug
You know the type: they lean in at dinner and declare, “I don’t even own a TV.” Suddenly, they’re not just skipping shows–they’re morally superior monks who’ve transcended blue light and cliffhangers.
Funny Evidence from the Screenless Elite
One man posted, “I’ve never watched a single episode of anything,” while scrolling TikTok for six hours a day and rage-posting on Facebook about microwave radiation in oat milk.
Quote from a Visual Abstainer
“I don’t consume content. I consume books,” said Cynthia, a minimalist who hasn’t smiled since The West Wing was canceled, which she has never seen, obviously.
Satirical Side Effects
TV abstainers often mistake documentaries for propaganda, cartoons for mind control, and game shows for signs of cultural decay. Meanwhile, they’ve watched every YouTube video titled “Why I’m Smarter Than You.”
Conclusion: Refusing to Watch TV Doesn’t Make You Interesting
It’s okay to not know who Succession is, or what a Love Island is. Just don’t pretend it makes you a philosopher. It makes you annoying at brunch.
For more screen-free sarcasm, mentally project yourself to bohiney.com
