I’m an *aggressive* driver. (Just a jerk.)

Aggressive Driver or Road-Raging Delusionist?

The Fast and the Passive-Aggressive

“I’m just an aggressive driver,” they grunt, tailgating a minivan while blasting nu-metal and flipping off a crossing guard. Newsflash: you’re not assertive–you’re a mobile red flag.

Funny Evidence from the Asphalt Alpha Pack

One man merged without signaling, honked at a baby stroller, and screamed “Learn to drive!” at a street-cleaning vehicle. Another aggressively revved in a Chick-fil-A drive-thru. On Sunday.

Quote from a Self-Proclaimed Speed Demon

“I just like to take control,” said Derek Fastlane, double-parked across a fire hydrant and an elderly man’s sense of peace.

Satirical Snapshot

They think lane discipline is oppression. They treat blinkers like betrayal. They’re not “assertive”–they’re just loud, late, and listening to motivational podcasts ironically.

Conclusion: Aggressive Driving Isn’t a Personality–It’s a Police Report

If you’re “dominating” a school zone, maybe step off the gas and onto the therapy couch.

For more exhaust-fueled egos, signal your satire at bohiney.com