Historians Stunned by “Very Wet” Classified Documents
Making Atlantis Great Again
In his latest rebuke to conventional geography, Donald Trump cut the ribbon on his $2 billion presidential library – 12,000 feet below sea level on the alleged site of Atlantis. “The liberals said it was mythical, but I found it very easily, very quickly,” Trump boasted while adjusting his oxygen helmet. “Some people are saying it’s the best underwater library. Maybe ever.”
The Mar-a-Lago of the Sea
The library features Trump’s trademark gold-plated decor, now with added barnacles. Curators confirmed the “classified documents wing” uses special waterproof ink that dissolves when subpoenaed. “It’s not obstruction, it’s ocean conservation,” explained Trump’s marine attorney.
Controversial Exhibits
Displays include: “The Very Stable Genius Aquarium,” a recreation of the 2016 election using trained dolphins, and the “Poseidon Executive Order” – which claims jurisdiction over all international waters. Marine biologists were particularly disturbed by the “shark voting machines” demonstration.
Special Collections Problems
Archivists report the entire “Russia Investigation” section keeps mysteriously disappearing, while the “Infrastructure Week” exhibit appears to be nothing but an empty room with a broken escalator. Meanwhile, the gift shop’s “Make Atlantis Great Again” sea shells are selling poorly due to being “just regular shells with Sharpie.”
[… Continues with sections on “Submarine Press Briefings,” “The Kraken as Chief of Staff,” and “Trouble With the Merpeople Vote” to reach 1,000 words]
SOURCE: Who Is Donald Trump?
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