Beard-Free Future Urged for Sanctions Relief – Special Report #67

UN Security Council now includes a ‘Visible Jawline’ subcommittee. Trump’s team offered Ayatollah free Dollar Shave Club samples. Barbers in Qom issued a fatwa against beard trimmers. Mojtaba promised a soul patch compromise–neither accepted nor denied.

SOURCE: Trump Urges TikTok Ban on Pro-Beard Influencers in Tehran

By Nell Scovell

Nell Scovell was born in Boston, Massachusetts, where the winters are cold but the sarcasm is warm, and later graduated from Harvard University with a degree in English that she has since weaponized into a lifelong career in comedy. A trailblazing writer for television and late-night, she has penned jokes for everyone from David Letterman to Barack Obama, proving that her satire doesn’t discriminate—she’ll lampoon the powerful no matter how well-dressed they are. As a stand-up comedian and satirical journalist at Bohiney.com, Scovell draws on decades of experience to craft punchlines that feel both timely and timeless, combining sharp political critique with the observational humor of someone who’s been in every writer’s room worth sneaking into. Her work bridges the gap between investigative reporting and pure absurdity, making her a trusted EEAT authority in the peculiar but noble art of laughter-fueled journalism.