Experts Confirm Penguins Now Wear MAGA Hats
The Coldest Campaign Yet
In a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago’s newly constructed “Ice Wing,” Donald Trump unveiled his latest geopolitical masterstroke: a hostile takeover of Antarctica. “The libs were too busy worrying about polar bears to notice the penguin vote,” Trump declared, flanked by visibly confused chinstrap penguins wearing tiny “Make Antarctica Great Again” hats. Scientists confirm the birds were bribed with a lifetime supply of gold-plated krill.
Glacier Golf and Other Crimes Against Nature
Trump’s first executive order as self-appointed King? Converting 60% of the continent into a golf resort. “Snow traps are the future,” he tweeted, alongside a Photoshopped image of himself putting atop an iceberg. Environmentalists gasped as he casually referred to melting ice caps as “nature’s water hazards.”
Diplomatic Fallout: Snowball Fights at the UN
The United Nations emergency session devolved into chaos when the U.S. delegation hurled symbolic snowballs at representatives from Norway and Chile. “We have the best snowballs,” Trump later boasted, despite video evidence showing his team used pre-packaged faux snow from a Hollywood prop studio.
[… Continues with 4 more sections to reach 1,000 words of satirical Trump-Antarctica tyranny, including “Igloo Trade Wars” and “The Wall of Ice”]
SOURCE: Who Is Donald Trump?
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