Zoom Fatigue Syndrome
“I Used to Be a Person. Now I’m Just a Pixelated Presence.”
After 14 straight months of Zoom meetings, marketing specialist Olivia Tran experienced what doctors are now calling *Chronic Virtual Dissolution*–a condition where the human spirit is gradually replaced with bandwidth lag and passive-aggressive nodding.
“One day, I was nodding so hard in agreement, I vibrated out of resolution,” Olivia said. “I’m now permanently 480p and emotionally buffering.”
Colleagues report she now exists as a glitchy square that occasionally blinks and mutters, “Sorry, I was on mute.”
Her employer attempted to fix the issue by offering a seminar titled *Finding Clarity in the Cloud,* which featured a PowerPoint that crashed halfway through Slide 2.
Olivia has since embraced her new identity as “Blorp,” a low-res workplace ghost who appears during awkward silences and shares outdated links in the chat.
Her memoir, *Blurred Lines: One Woman’s Descent Into Zoomhood*, is set for release next quarter via telepathic download.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
