Gym Embarrassment
“I Saw God Between Lunges”
Local man Jared Blanchard attempted to start a new fitness journey but instead became a human projectile after mistaking a resistance band for a jump rope. Eyewitnesses described him as “a sweaty comet of regret” who flew through the yoga studio wall and landed mid-squat in a nearby Zumba class.
“I thought it was weird that the jump rope didn’t have handles,” Jared said, lying in a pile of complimentary towels and shame. “But I’m committed to fitness–or at least to public humiliation.”
PlanetFlex Gym has since updated their waiver to include “aerodynamic mishaps” and now offers Jared-themed yoga mats that read: “Breathe In, Brace for Impact.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.