Over-Caffeinated Poets
“I Could Feel Every Bean’s Backstory. I Became the Roast.”
The Java & Verse poetry slam in Portland was thrown into caffeinated chaos after local poet Moxie Thorne consumed six cold brews in rapid succession and launched into a frenetic performance titled *The Espresso of My Soul Is Screaming.*
Witnesses described the reading as “part beat poetry, part seizure, all bean.”
“She rhymed ‘existential’ with ‘provincial’ and then shouted about ‘latte betrayal’ for a solid three minutes,” said one audience member. “It was like Ginsberg possessed a barista.”
The mic stand was briefly used as a didgeridoo. The stage lighting was dimmed for safety. A local EMT sat in the front row “just in case she vaped a metaphor too hard.”
Moxie’s reading ended abruptly when she whispered “French press me into the void,” collapsed into a beanbag, and fell into a 14-hour sleep she later called “a necessary descent.”
She has since been booked at three college campuses and now sells merch reading: “Brewed, Not Broken.”
Medical professionals caution against mixing poetry and over-caffeination, citing symptoms such as “rhyming-induced panic” and “slam-induced palpitations.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
