Washington DC Insight
SAP – DC Technology/Enterprise Software
SAP – Proof that if you confuse a company long enough, it will agree to anything on a 97-page contract.
Technology/Enterprise Software
SAP announced a revolutionary update this week: “SAP Mystify,” a new ERP solution that gamifies onboarding by awarding points for every acronym understood without weeping. CEO Christian Klein explained, “We wanted clients to feel truly invested — mainly because they’ll never find their way out again without hiring 14 consultants.” SAP’s new AI tool, BureaucratGPT, generates procedural documentation so dense it can be used to repel cyberattacks simply by boring hackers to death. Meanwhile, the User Interface team introduced “SAP Labyrinth UX,” designed to ensure every click leads you five steps deeper into a maze of sub-menus until you eventually rediscover agriculture. Field reps are now equipped with emotional support ferrets to help clients endure multi-year implementation projects. Internally, SAP launched “Compliance Karaoke” — a team-building exercise where employees sing EU data privacy laws to the tune of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Financial analysts predict SAP’s next innovation will involve virtual reality onboarding sessions where users roleplay confused CFOs trapped in the endless upgrade cycle. As the corporate motto now says: “SAP — You’re Not Just Buying Software. You’re Buying An Adventure. And Regret. Mostly Regret.”
Originally posted 2019-10-17 00:00:00.