Microdosing Mishaps
“I Wanted a Mental Edge. I Got a Spiritual Bond with Office Supplies.”
Venture capitalist Trent Daley tried microdosing psilocybin for focus. Instead, he took a full dose mid-Tuesday and proceeded to deliver a 45-minute keynote presentation to a Swingline stapler named Enlightenator.
“He told the stapler it was the true CEO and apologized for humanity’s linear thinking,” said one shaken intern.
The meeting–intended to secure $12M in Series B funding–was derailed when Trent began drawing “the future of consciousness” with a highlighter on his own forehead.
He insisted the company pivot into “mushroom-powered empathy wearables” and requested a press release written entirely in fractals.
The board called a recess. HR called his emergency contact, who replied, “Oh no, not the stapler again.”
Trent is now on a sabbatical to “reconnect with his aura’s LinkedIn.” Enlightenator has been moved to reception for morale.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
