Chronically Online People
“She Liked a Minions Meme During a Political Crisis. I Can Never Trust Her Again.”
In a bold display of digital justice, 28-year-old activist-influencer Chloe Rey canceled her longtime friend Jessica over a deep scroll into her Facebook Likes. The offending action? A 2017 “Wine o’clock!” Minions meme shared by an aunt named Bev during a time of global political unrest.
“It wasn’t the meme,” Chloe clarified. “It was the silence on other issues. That Like was a microaggression against nuance.”
Jessica, stunned, said she didn’t remember even clicking Like. “I was probably scrolling while in a waiting room. Or drunk. Or both.”
Chloe posted a four-part Insta-story essay titled *Friendship Is Not Neutrality*, followed by a TikTok dance protest under the tag #MinionGate.
Their mutual friends are divided. Some call Chloe brave. Others just want their group chat back.
Experts warn of “scroll-sniping,” a phenomenon where old digital crumbs trigger disproportionate outrage and sudden excommunications.
Jessica has since gone offline and joined a medieval reenactment troupe “to live in a time before Like buttons and betrayal.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
