Bohiney News

The Tyler Robinson Method of Discourse Charlie Kirk Discovers There's No Safe Space From Stupidity You know what Jerry Seinfeld always said

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back

NASA Plans to Catch Space Rocks Like It's a Cosmic Baseball Game When Humanity Gets Bored with Earth and Starts Chasing

Hollywood's Soul Was Optioned by a Streaming Algorithm and Nobody Read the Fine Print When Dreams Get Franchised and Art Becomes

The Feline Selection Process: How Cats Choose Their Favorite Human Using Dark Magic and Spite When Your Pet Becomes Your Judge,

German Scientists Crack the Hug Code: Your Embrace Duration Reveals Everything About Your Tragic Love Life Breaking News: Physical Affection Now

Florida Man's Mathematical Jihad Against Taco Bell's Creative Accounting: When Basic Arithmetic Becomes Revolutionary Act The Hero We Never Knew We

ChatGPT: The Study Buddy That Never Asks for Your Notes Back Universities Finally Find Perfect Solution to Academic Integrity: Embrace the

Maria Shriver Clings to Matthew Dowd Like It’s a Kennedy Family Tradition By Darla Freedom-Pie Magsen | Bohiney.com Satirical News Service Timing

The Greatest Marketing Scam Ever: How De Beers Convinced Men to Bankrupt Themselves Over Compressed Carbon When Carbon Got a Publicist:

Princess Diana's Royal Collection: When Hobby Stores Had Nothing on Kensington Palace The World's Most Expensive Pokemon Cards So apparently Princess Diana

Politicians Propose Constitutional Amendment Making Attempted Murder "Totally Uncool" Congress Discovers Murder Was Already Illegal, Proceeds to Make It "More Illegal" In

Texas City Discovers Revolutionary Problem-Solving Technique Called "Not Looking At It" Scientists Confirm What Your Ex Already Knew: Ignoring Problems Makes

Hamnet: Shakespeare's Dead Kid Gets the Full Hollywood Treatment Another Oscar-Baiting Tragedy Hits Theaters Harder Than a Plague Hollywood has officially run

Bluey Research Madness Breaking: Scientists Discover Children's Cartoon Contains Children's Lessons Psychologists Spend 18 Hours Watching TV, Call It "Research" In the most

From Eat, Pray, Love to Obsess, Plot, Confess: Elizabeth Gilbert's Stunning Addiction Revelation When your spiritual journey includes planning murder with

Experts Warn Of 'Vicious Spiral' In Political Violence — Spiral Demands Apology From Experts Mathematical Concept Files Defamation Lawsuit Against Political

The Great Ick Epidemic: 15 New Ways Modern Men Are Accidentally Sabotaging Romance The Scientific Study of Why Women Suddenly Find

The Great Restaurant Class Detective: How to Spot the Unworthy Diners Among Us Breaking: Local Food Critics Discover Revolutionary Method to

How to Spot You're in the Not-Love Business (And Maybe Invoice Them for Emotional Labor) Breaking: Local Woman Discovers Relationship Was

Politicians Demand Bubble Wrap Suits After Charlie Kirk Gets Sniped at Utah Pep Rally Breaking: Public Servants Discover They're Actually Public,

BREAKING: Local Marriage Declared Dead After Wife Uses Word "Always," Emergency Response Team Dispatched Four Horsemen Spotted in Suburban Kitchen, Scientists

Matthew Dowd: The Left-Wing Lightning Rod Who Just Won’t Quit The Rise of Dowd: From Political Analyst to Punchline Matthew Dowd, once

The Great Valor Heist: How the Left Tried to Rob Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Alan Nafzger WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what historians

Gaza Gets Ghosted: Hollywood's Most Awkward Breakup When Permit Applications Become Treasure Maps to Nowhere Trying to film in Gaza requires more

The Secret Society of the Respectably Unfaithful: America's Most Devoted Cheaters The One Thing All Cheating Husbands Share Every crime has its

America's First Marxist Sniper Scandal: When Revolutionary Theory Meets Deadly Practice The Day Academic Theory Got Really, Really Real By Annika Steinmann,

Fed Finally Cuts Rates After Economy Complains of Neck Pain Federal Reserve Discovers Economy Has Been Looking Up at Interest Rates

Trump's Great Government Rebrand: 36 Departments Get the Full MAGA Makeover When "Make America Great Again" Meets Federal Acronyms: A Bureaucratic

Trump Rebrands DOD To 'Department of War' — Critics Ask: What's Next, Department of Peaceful Tweets? President Announces Military Rebrand After

Nation Shocked: Political Violence Spikes, Turns Out Rhetoric needs a Warning Label Surgeon General Recommends Mandatory Disclaimers for Political Speech After

Trump Declares He Has 'Indication' Of Kirk Assassin's Motive — FBI Looking for a Marxist Former President's Investigative Instincts Outpace Federal

Fox & CNN Compete In Ratings Over Who Can Say 'Unity' Most Dramatically After Kirk Death Cable News Networks Launch Unprecedented

Department of Labor Discovers What Labor Actually Is After 111 Years — Workers Demand Representation Federal Agency Realizes Work Involves Human